Does anyone else feel like sometimes they have been fooled into attending a Jesus pep-rally? Like the bigger, slicker, louder your event than the more God is moving. Bigger, slicker, louder isn't a sin until it becomes a requirement for me to "feel" the Lord's presence.
I have been a Christian culture groupie for a long time. Until we moved to China, I would roll my eyes at Thomas Kinkade, saxophone worship song interludes, and pastors who wore suits. All of my arrogance balled itself up and would pelt anyone else who decided that mainstream was good enough for them. I thought (erroneously) that the edgier I was, the closer to Jesus I had become. I would attend these huge events and vow to never listen to Salt-N-Pepa again. Until of course someone would say "ladies, all the ladies" over a loud speaker and I would immediately start thinking "louder now, help me out..."
Looking back, I realize that I was addicted to the experience of Christianity and not the person of Christ. So enter from stage right a big traumatic move to China. Enter from stage left 5 children. My adrenaline faith wasn't going to get me through this. When people asked me about my walk with the Lord, I didn't have much to say because in my peon brain that question was really asking me how much time I had spent with Jesus in the morning. Nothing more and nothing less. This question is a valid one, but I have struggled with this over the last few years. With 5 kids, most nights involve at least one of them waking up for some reason.
The dolphins were attacking their sheets.
T-Rex was eating their pajamas.
Brother just piled drived me from the top bunk.
I would wake up exhausted and the last thing I wanted to do was sit in prayer. For awhile I would just suck it up. That's what all good Texas women do. We suck.it.up. I would start to pray and then become so excited that I got to close my eyes that sleeping was not far behind. But after my sleep/prayer time, I always felt much better. But honestly I have to attribute that to the sleep factor, not the prayer one.
My walk with Jesus is just going to need to look different. I was going to need to pray while I did dishes; to spend a little time in the morning before the kids woke up, but it just wasn't going to be 2 hours of study. I was going to need to put a Bible in the bathroom to read for the 30 seconds each day when my kids don't know where I am. I was going to have to find reasons to be grateful and allow that to help me to love Jesus more. I was going to have to pray harder with my kids, study the Bible more with them in homeschool. My "devo" time was going to have to be rolled out within the course of the day.
This has been so freeing and actually helped me to spend more time with Jesus in the long run. When I was motioning through my times in the morning, I subconsciously told myself that Jesus and I were done for the day. As my kids get older, I'm sure this will change. I just hope that for you moms in the trenches, this brings you freedom to find a good rhythm in your day. I would love to hear how other moms do this.
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