No friends is cramping my self esteem

3 years ago

Throughout the last few years I have lost most of the friends I have managed to come close to in my life, and I am now seeing the damage it has done in to my self esteem.  I have tried to make new friendships with my co workers, and I am starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me, or if I say things at the wrong times, or if I'm just too quirky for human contact.  Most people I am great with, but lately I feel that I am unable to create that one on one friendship time with.  I worry that friends will think that I'm trying to pressure a friendship or turn things into something too serious(friendship wise.)  I don't know if I'm the only one out there that has this problem, but after a divorce, and having a daughter at 19, I created quite a bit a space between friends and I, and anyone understanding what it means to be mom, and what it means to be me.  At 25 now, I'm feel that I am trying to play catch-up, and each day I feel that I am turned down by a co-worker,or a previous friend, or even my boyfriend, and I feel very alone.  I feel that I can't have that fun friend time that everyone else seems to be able to acheive effortlessly.  Is it something that I missed growing up?  Or is it that I became a mom so quickly?  Or is it my hairy divorce that scares everyone away?  All I know is my self esteem has plummeted since I've noticed more and more that I have exactly zero friends.  I just want that human contact from girl to girl.  It's hard not to want that.  I just want a normal life and no matter what I do, I feel that I will never have that.

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