The need for praise.
I was shy when I was young.
I remember the feeling I would get when called out.
I was very quiet.
I didn’t have to be taught stranger danger!
I was also considered oddly well behaved.
I knew that on some level.
I also worked hard at being seen as well behaved.
I liked to impress adults.
We were at a family friends house.
There was a huge crowd.
The adults ate at one table, the children at another.
I believe it was dining room and kitchen respectively.
We could see each other as the room was only divided by a half wall.
With the adults well distracted,
The kids took off to the recroom when they finished eating.
I decided to take this opportunity to make an impression.
I remained at the table...alone.
None of the kids gave a crap about my need to impress.
They left me there.
And there I sat.
I waited and waited.
I probably sat there for twenty minutes...alone.
I was really starting to regret my decision.
I could feel the embarrassment building.
This is not how I wanted it to go.
They finally, recognized the lone child.
I heard someone cue my Mom.
She asked me what I was waiting for?
Inside, I was seething.
I am being well mannered MOTHER!
I am not interrupting the adults.
I am not leaving the table without being excused.
I could feel the tears starting at the back of my eyes.
I didn’t say any of that of course.
I thought I was going to start crying.
No! That would be bad.
‘May I be excused?’
Of course, Mom said.
I got up to leave the table.
Mom knew me better than I knew myself.
She called my name.
When I turned to her, she said, ‘thank you’.
She gave me back my dignity.
I could hear the other adults as I went down the stairs.
Is she always so polite?
Ah, she is so sweet?
You should be very proud. Great manners.
I was absolutely full of myself as I entered the recroom.
I was glad I sacrificed my time.
None of other kids cared one way or the other.
I knew Mom was proud of me.
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