Here I sit, on my couch with coffee and a Sunday paper on my lap on a March Sunday morning at about a quarter to 9. Just that simple description still boggles my mind a bit, I must admit. I have been a life-long church goer. It is what. you. do.
But not me...for now. I have not left THE church, just A church. So when I run into a former church-mate I tell them that I am between churches at the moment. I don't know how long the "the moment" will last. I miss church. I miss people. I don't miss the sermon...but I miss the small-talk as we enter and hug a dozen people before finding our seat. In the same section every Sunday. I miss working behind the Info Counter, watching the faces of new-comers as they walked in and sized us up. I loved making them feel welcome and coaxing a smile out of their nervousness. I miss worshipping God with great music and lots of people. I miss going out to lunch with my group of friends every Sunday. The laughter and tears as we shared our lives together. I miss the sweet moment when the small talk turns to big talk. I miss sharing life.
My former church and I are not in a lovers quarrel, we are not mad at one another. No one cheated on anyone. It was time, we were done...kind of a "not you, it's me" dance happened...but not really. I cannot explain it here, there is too much and too little to be said. I feel the need to justify and defend myself..but not here or now. I can say that after a bit of time away, God did whisper to me that I needed to stop going back to my old well. He called it my "old well"...not a term that I would use. You may not believe that God talks to us like that, but my friends back there will believe it and understand it. It won't sound odd or weird to them at all. :)
So I am "out here" figuring out my relationship with my God in a whole new venue. It is not an anti-church venue, more of a churchless-until-further-notice kind of season. Very different for me/us. Kinda scary...unknown waters...exploring an unmarked map.
Five days ago I was reading one of my fav bloggers, Jamie, The Very Worst Missionary and she included a song that hit me between the eyes and had me in tears for an hour of listening to it again and again...Oceans - Where Feet May Fail - Hillsong
This song was my "Aha" moment 5 days ago. I am in a time of...
My God-friendship is a whole new country waiting to be explored and discovered. I am not dependent upon a church denomination or a new book about progressive Christianity. Just me and God...walking together, talking, listening. I will bring along my great history with Him as One Who Loves, and drop off the ideas that have been tacked onto Him by men. I'm not scared that I will somehow accidentally fall out of His hands. His hands are TOO BIG for that.
I am His and He is mine.
Someday I will walk into a new church and feel at home again. I'll embrace all that is wonderful about being with a gang of people who are crazy about God and one another. I trust that my new well is ahead of me. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the Sunday morning paper and my coffee here in my living room. God...Wherever You would call me, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.
More from living