My Sexless Marriage Was a Hot Topic on Huffington Post

3 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

I had no idea my sexless marriage would be such a hot topic nor did I realize I would be crucified for it. In 2011, I published a personal article on my little blog titled "Sexual Neglect." The reason I wrote it was not to call out my ex but to bring to light a topic that rarely gets discussed.

I wanted other women (and men) to feel less alone is the shame-inducing reality that is a sexless marriage. The premise being that, especially if you are a woman, the sexless marriage results in self blame and if you're the one upset, it goes against the traditional idea that men want sex more than women.

While I was married, I didn't feel comfortable discussing the issue with anyone. Even broaching the subject with my husband was difficult. So there was your hot topic.

In 2013, I was invited to be a regular writer for the lovely community of Divorced Moms.com. The editor chose a few of my posts to get my profile started, and not surprisingly, she chose "Sexual Neglect" as one. The title changed to "When a Man Doesn't Make Love to a Wife."

So far it has garnered the most comments over there as it has on my own site. In fact, even though I published that post in December 2011, it is still within the top three posts on my site in terms of traffic. I even closed comments on it over a year ago. Since then, I have many people contact me to ask questions about the topic and reference the article.

Turns out that a sexless marriage is something many people can relate to and want to talk about.

On Saturday, the editor of DivorcedMoms.com contacted me to let me know that Huffington Post Divorce chose my article to feature. There it was on the front page, "What It Feels Like To Be In a Sexless Marriage," now with its third title.

At first, I was delighted. Although I've been a regular blogger for Huffington Post since last November, my work isn't often featured.

But then the crucifixion began.

30-odd comments in, I had to stop reading. The nasty remarks from the male gender were demoralizing. I was a Princess who didn't even try and probably just lay there waiting for some action. Someone questioned whether I was the least bit attractive. I was told that I'm obviously bitter from my divorce.

You could say the moral of the article was lost in translation. Maybe I should reiterate that: The article was lost in the war of gender equality. It was the men who seemed personally offended. I had a few gentlemen contact me to apologize for the comments. That's how bad it was. It finally stopped at over 300 comments.

The good news? People are talking about the issue. The bad news? I've been crucified in the process. I wrote from my heart, shared an extremely personal story and somehow it was reduced to a playground battle at recess.

It felt great to be featured on Huffington Post. I even laughed about the sick comments because I had garnered an emotional reaction and that's what writers do. I felt initiated into a secret writer's club.

In the end though, I'm left with a tiny part of my heart and mind that wonders how much I should really share with the world. That makes me sad because sharing is what writing is all about. I shouldn't have to edit my voice. Is getting crucified on the Internet part and parcel of being a writer?

What do you think and how much do you share to help others?

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