My Quiet Place, My Still, Oh Where?

5 years ago

Consistency is simply not my forte – not my strength.
          So much I wish.
          So much I want.
The hours of stillness before everyone is up, before all the needs
of everyone start piling up before me.
          So much I wish.
          So much I want.
But not enough apparently, if longing for and wishing, wanting for
was deep enough, long enough, high enough, full and pouring over,
I would find the time, make the time, create minutes out of
breaths between, store them in my pocket and pull them out,
stitch them together to embroider a moment
with pen and paper
to wrap my thoughts around words,
to poise and perch and leap
at the page
my heart
          Splat
right there on the page,
a big mess of bright colors
of wants and needs and loves and hopes
and my voice singing boldly
from amidst the jumbled,
busy, happy deluge of color
and water and fountains
of words dancing in the light;
splashing and spraying and laughing.

And my children are loud and crazy
in the next room, ready to topple me
with play. It is the weekend, my time
to hold them, and wrestle and run after them
days on end for fun. I am filled up from a moment
of writing – my heart is in balance
and I am off to be a mommy!

 

It was after writing this, originally in 2011, that I started getting up at 4:30 to give myself time for myself, time to write, or read, or think, or sit and stare out the window, as poets need to do - according to Billy Collins!

It is not that I am an early-bird. I've learned to be to enjoy some peace and quiet and me-time. When I get out of the habit, and sleep in, I start feeling really out of whack. I am pulled in so many ways. I am a working mom with a wildly busy job. We barely have time to breath at work some days. We are operating at full speed all day long. I am also helping my husband get our business off the ground, so that in the evenings, he's out doing estimates and I'm making phone calls to schedule estimates. Then, I go out and spend time with the kids and try to do something fun and interesting with them in our few minutres together. It is a breakneck pace - oh - because on weekends, we are also farming or building fences or pigpens, or cleaning out stalls. 

Getting up early is my only option for sanity and some time to write or read. How do you manage to find time for yourself in the midst of your busy life? What is your secret to balance?

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