Happy Birthday, Vintage Me!!
A few things you should know about how the next 30+ years pan out.
First, you never outgrow that "awkward phase." You are awkward, you remain awkward, the best you can learn to do is accept and adapt. Don't try to fight it. You're just who you are, and that's okay. Stop resisting.
The shit you wrote about in your diary? That shit never changes. The players change, the venue changes (school to work), but the shit? That's your life.
You don't outgrow your love of cake. So stop with all the "I"m giving up sugar FOREVER" plans; that is a stupid goal for you and then you just feel like a failure when you give in to the red velvet.
You can, however, give up meat, and your crusade to save the animals was a noble goal for 5 years.
Your dream man doesn't work out. Twice. It's okay to alter the criteria.
Keep your perspective, because life does have hard times. Lots and lots of them. Find the funny.
You'll travel, and finally make it to your dream destinations, including Barbados and Italy. You're lucky in life that way.
But it's all possible because you get up and go to work every day. If I could gently advise you to do anything different? It would be to stop thinking about boys and apply yourself to your schoolwork. Earning a decent living for yourself is what saves you. You could have done better. There's still time.
46-year-old Me thanks you for flaunting it, even when you thought you were too fat and certainly not pretty. Because 46 year old me? Looks back on that and sees the greatness that's me, and it's a reminder that one day? I'll be 86 and looking back on 46-year-old me a little wistfully, so I might as well flaunt the fuck out of it now because eventually this will be the "good old days" when I was in my prime.
Keep your perspective.