Two of my sons are experts on all things zombie. They have read all the manuals:
The Zombie Combat Manual
The Zombie Survival Guide
Military Manual on Zombie Combat
They are experts. Seriously. If you ever find yourself under zombie attack, please email me immediately at email@example.com and I will have one of my boys talk you through what to do.
Though I am by no means the expert they are, a little of their expertise has rubbed off on me.
For instance, I know that zombies are drawn to the things they did in life. That's why you should not head to the mall if the world has been taken over by zombies, because they're likely heading there themselves.
That got me thinking on what I might find myself doing if I were ever turned into a zombie. Or should I say a Mombie. I've created a list, and have decided to share it with you here:
1) List-making. As I cannot think of a day in recent memory where I did not make a list, my first order of business as a newborn zombie would be, duh, to make a list. The list might include taking the kids to the dentist, and snacking on any teeeth pulled.
2) I would nag my children to do their homework, pick up their socks, and do their chores, only it would probably come out something like whuuuuuuzyyy.
3) I would make a pot of macaroni and cheese. Because I can not imagine an existence of mine, be it heaven, hell, or altered reality, in which I did not make a pot of macaroni and cheese.
4) I would wash laundry, load after load after load, taking care not to let any of my fingers fall in to the washer.
5) I'd probably limp and shuffle my way to the barn, but instead of feeding critters and gathering eggs, I would leave a path of carnage in my wake. I could always blame it on the foxes.
6) I would write a blog post about who I ate the day before, and finish off by begging my readers to vote for me on Top Zombie Blogs.
But that's just me. What would YOU do if YOU were a zombie?
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