Michele Bachmann and Me: Do We Have a Future?

5 years ago

I've been having difficulty falling asleep for the last few nights. I'll tell you who is to blame -- Michele. That's right, Michele Bachmann has abandoned her quest for the GOP presidential nomination and she has left me high and dry. Really. I've got nothing to tweet. Instead I toss and turn in my Little House on the Prairie bed and go over and over it in my mind.

Image: © Glen Stubbe/Minneapolis Star Tribune/ZUMAPRESS.com

It was just so much fun while it lasted. Ultra-right-leaning Michele won the Iowa straw poll back on August 13, and suddenly her political prospects appeared limitless. She was the new darling of the tea bag party, and the thought of her actually becoming the GOP nominee was delightful.

Michele did not let me down. Immediately she made headlines, most notably on the cover of Newsweek with a picture that made her look, well, crazy. But in a very good crazy type of way. Twitterland also went crazy and the fun had begun.

It got even better when Michele started talking. She declared that the HPV vaccination caused mental disability and refused to retract the statement. At a campaign event in South Carolina, she began her speech by wishing a "Happy Birthday" to Elvis. Obviously, no one had told her that he had already left the building. The really sad part: It wasn't even his birthday -- it was the anniversary of his death.

Keeping with a celebrity theme, Michele happily confused Waterloo, Iowa as the hometown of actor John Wayne when mass murderer John Wayne Gacy actually grew up there. I felt like "You're killing me, Michele" became a popular social media refrain.

Then Michele gave a talk where she totally confused the geography of key cities in New Hampshire. The social media party continued. And, in every speech, her far-right beliefs were front and center. I could barely keep up with my tweets and retweets.

But some things just could not be said with words, and a picture had to tell the story. That's when it happened. Michele ate a corn dog. However, not just any corn dog -- a dog to end all dogs.

Image is on my blog. You're welcome.

Flash forward to yesterday: Still feeling sleep deprived, I tried to enjoy my afternoon. It was a lovely, sunny and surprisingly mild day in central Minnesota. I took myself out for a walk and thought some more about Michele. I was headed back home when all of a sudden it hit me -- I wonder which Minnesota district Michele represents? Now that I am residing again in my home state, could Michele possibly be my representative in Congress? I have to say that it simultaneously thrilled and repelled me.

With trembling hands I Googled "minnesota congressional districts" and scanned the results. Michele represents the 6th district, and my little town is no more than 10 miles outside of those congressional lines. I found myself oddly disappointed... until I read further and learned the districts are being redrawn as I write this post.

Who knows, perhaps it could still be Michele and Me. Is it too much to hope for? I can't wait to tweet about it.

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