March Madness. Is that a Sale?

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I'm a college basketball fan by marriage.

Ok. That's a stretch.

I've watched a lot of college basketball since I've been married.

Ok. That's a stretch too.

I've been in the room a bunch of times when college basketball is on TV.

Now, college basketball is all over our TV. 

It's March, baby! That means it's March Madness time. AKA the NCAA Division One Basketball Tournament. Despite what the name indicates it doesn't start and end in March. It starts in March and lasts a couple of years.

So, now its time to throw your hat in the ring (or on the court) and fill out your brackets! AKABracketology. 

For those of you in the know, Bracketology is a familiar term, and a real word. 

For those of you in the dark, it's like those office football pools. You pick who you think is gonna win but you gotta pick winners for every game.

All 64 of them.  Whoever picks the most wins…wins.

I win a lot. 

And no, I don't pick by favorite uniform color. How dumb would that be?

I use a complicated, detailed, well researched, and delicately balanced system. Never before revealed. Until today. For you. 

A peek at my Bracket:

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The first thing you need to do is look at the numbers. 

The teams are rated by numbers, one is the highest. I have no idea what the lowest number is. Who cares? They call these numbers seeds. Asinine, I know. As far as I know nothing is growing, except my impatience for the whole damn thing to get over with. Anyhoo, if you're a number one seed that means you're the most likely to win. 

So, I pick a lot of those top numbers, say one through three, first. Duh.

Occasionally a number ten will beat a number two.

This is called an upset.

Mostly because when it happens no one's picked that number ten to win and they get REALLY upset. Hubby yells at the TV and drinks more.

Now my system gets a little more complicated. Feel free to print.

I always pick Gonzaga because I like to say it. 

I always pick Xavier because it's, like, the coolest name ever. Just rolls off the tongue like a fine French wine.

I always pick Kansas because my daughter was born there.

I never pick UNC because their coach, Roy Williams, gets on my last nerve. The few times I've seen him on TV (when I wasn't in a self induced coma) there's just something about him I don't like. To add insult to injury, their team is called the Tar Heels. WTF? 

I never pick Georgetown because when I visited there I was disappointed in their restaurant scene. You see my point.

I always pick Wisconsin because my mom was born there.

I always pick UCLA because who doesn't love Westwood? Hip, cool, on the fringes of Hollywood. What's not to love?

I pick Oklahoma because the Pioneer Woman lives there. 

I always pick Florida (I've picked them to win it ALL) because Versace's house is there and hubby and I ate a zillion dollar dinner there on vacation once. They have the best drag queens too - which is big.

And, finally, I've taken Duke pretty much off the list because their coach dyes his hair and lies about it. He's almost 70 years old and his hair is pitch, shoe polish, black. 

Who ya kiddin, Mike?

Nobody.

No good can come from that, my friend. 

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Kathleen O'Donnell is the author of The Last Day for Rob Rhino a Foreward Review finalist for the Independent Book of the year in Adult General Fiction.

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