The many ways Utah sucks old, shriveled balls

9 years ago

Utah is a pretty place-the mountains are gorgeous, and there are endless activities for you hippie outdoorsy people. But other than that, Utah is just a huge smorgasboard of mindless morons whose heads are so far up their big fat asses that they are barely aware of an existence outside their little, usually mormon bubble.

NO ONE EVER moves out of the fast lane-irregardless of how fast (I mean slow) they are going, how many other lanes are open, and how long you've been riding their ass trying to give them the not so subtle hint that they are a complete jack ass.

Everyone worships David Archuleta-yeah, the frightened little boy with googley eyes who was on American Idol. One example: David I mean, for the love of god, a corn field shaped like this guy? He didn't even win idol! There's also a ginormous poster covering the side of the high school he goes to (which also happens to be by my house) of this little twerp-why in Gods holier than thou name do you feel the need to make me see that every day?!!! Why?

"Utah" people always think they are the most important person in the world. They are the most blatantly rude and inconsiderate people I've ever met in my life. I've never traveled anywhere else where there are doors just shut on your face when you're right behind someone, employees at restaurants and fast food joints treated like soulless robots who exist only for the purpose of taking orders barked at them by douchebag businessmen who believe they are much more important than they really are, where people are so self righteous and hypocritical that expect you to live their religion even though you know it's complete horse shit.

The mormon religion-I slightly touched on this in the previous paragraph, but just because you believe in something doesn't mean it's true, it doesn't mean others who don't believe it are bad people, it doesn't make you a better person than "non-believers", and it sure as fuck doesn't mean you have the right to shove said beliefs down others throats.  Just because you are involved with a cult-like religion that brainwashes it's patrons into believing anyone with more than one hole in their ear, or who dares to defile their body by getting a tattoo is evil doesn't make you special. It makes you gullible.

The weather-now this is just because I'm a huge whiny wuss, but there are maybe 2 months out of the whole year in Utah where the temperature is bearable. It's either blisteringly hot, or rock tit cold. I have very little tolerance for anything 3 or 4 degrees above or below 78.

Memberships-anyone out of utah is asking, "What the fuck is a membership?" well, it's Utah's way of punishing us sinners who choose to inhabit bars instead of churches-we have to buy a membership to each and every bar we enter, plus pay a cover fee. When politicians considered changing the law they say they need to consult with church leaders before changing the law! Jesus Carter Christ, how is it any of the churches business what we pay to drink? And since when is the church in charge of the law? What happened to separation of church and state? Methinks the church is profiting off all the sinners-hypocrisy at it's finest? I think so

People who are uneducated believe they are brilliant. If you read the comments posted by the lovely locals on the local news website (ksl) you will realize just how packed with inconceivably stupid people Utah is. Even the news writers are morons. There was a story about a month ago about how a bear tore up a marijuana farm. The quote from the sheriff went something like this....Our county is so tough on crime, even the animals fight it. Yeah sure, the bear was really fucking mad they were growing pot. Realistically, he was probably just wanting to get some munchies.

 ok, think I've released enough anger for the day. I feel much better, thanks internet!

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