Originally posted on January 3, 2013 at Two Martini Lunch.
One of the foundations of happiness in Happy for No Reason is making peace with yourself. I have found that this has been absolutely key in achieving my own place of happiness. With myself. With my circumstances. With others. Holding onto negative feelings and thoughts makes me a negative person. And I know negativity will shorten my life. It is proven that truly happy people live longer and you can’t be truly happy while holding on to grudges, the what ifs and the why me’s.
Moving away from wallowing in self-pity was not easy for me. I was the typical “woe is me” person. I wanted everyone to feel sorry for me and I wanted people to understand my pain and suffering. Not anymore. I have made peace with myself and everything around me.
How, you ask? (I am not sure if you are really asking – but you should if you aren’t)
Live in the Present.
I approach every day with the attitude of making the best decisions I can make for that day. And only that day. Tomorrow will be here soon enough and I will again make the best decisions with the issues I face. But for now, I focus on today.
This was a hard one. I just realized I needed to trust that things will work out. I trust that I will be presented with options to the problems when the time is right. This isn’t to say I just sat there and let things come to me. We work at it. For instance when Way lost his job, we networked, sent out resumes, we scoured the paper and job boards and called on friends in our town. When nothing was coming back, we widened our search to the southwest, then to the country and finally internationally. While we would have loved to stay in Flagstaff and keep the kids in their school, we had to be realistic. We did everything we knew to secure a position. Even though searching for a job is stressful, I trusted that if we were persistent and consistent in our approach, something would turn up. And boy did it!
I talked to all of my friends about my new approach. It doesn’t mean I don’t have meltdowns but it means I have support when I do. My meltdowns have become fewer and farther apart. Friends and family, who will not judge you and who will provide an honest assessment of the situation, are a key to accepting the circumstances.
and finally …
This was the hardest one of all for a control freak like me. I had to let go of things which I couldn’t control. Letting go of the emotional baggage, the dream house, the stuff, the issues I cannot change. Once you begin to let go and live in the present everything else becomes so much easier. If you were lucky enough to attend one of my sales, you know I had A LOT of stuff. Once I learned to let go, it was easy to say goodbye. And you know what? I don’t miss it.
If you are a worrier (like the old me), do yourself and your family a favor. Learn to make peace with yourself. It has been life changing for me. If you are interested, you can get your copy of Happy for No Reason here.
Since I am happier, and by theory. I will now live longer, I will have plenty of time to continue to torture my teenagers. What about you? What do you do to make peace with your circumstances?
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