Looking back as the person I am today it's hard to believe there was a time I hated myself so much. I didn't know I hated myself, it was my normal. I wasn't born feeling that way, it was a feeling that was fostered by an emotionally abusive environment from the people I loved the most and were supposed to love me.
Eventually a time came and I was forced to choose to either let go and endure unimaginable amounts of pain from the loss or hold on to what I could not change and eventually let it destroy me. I choose to live.
The journey that followed was long, complicated and a messy ordeal. Untangling someone's fiction from the truth about myself was my Everest, deep seeded thoughts had to be released in order for me to claim a self that had always been worthy of love. It was by far the most important inner work I've ever done and well worth the journey. The pain of my loss still hurts me today, but there is no price to high to pay for the privilege of owning my true self.
A few years later, I have a new life and got pregnant with my daughter, I was so inspired and filled with awe by this miracle I decided to write her a book filled with little bits on her family and the world around us but my last entry for me was the most important part.
" This world is a fun, crazy, mixed up place full of fun, crazy mixed up people. Some will love you deeply, some won't. Some will hold you higher then they hold themselves and some will try to bring you down. This is life, it is the same for all of us and as much as I want to protect you from all wrong doings I know I won't always be able to be there, but listen to these words, commit them to memory and mind.
No matter where you go, who you meet or what happens always remember what is undeniably true, You were born being the most important person you will ever know, deserving of all good things, You carry within you an irreplaceable spirit, an original work of art the world is lucky to know.
My darling girl, should you only be able to hold to one thing, then let it be this.
Love yourself. Love yourself first, love yourself the most, love yourself always "
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