A lot of my friends give me a hard time because I don’t check my voicemail regularly ever.
Credit Image: FaceMePLS on Flickr
Here’s how I feel about it: I saw that you called. I’ll call you back ... or I won’t. Whether you left a message doesn’t weigh in—At.All.
Let me tell you WHY I don’t check my voicemail. Maybe one time out of 700, it’s something I actually need to hear. The other 699 messages are a waste of my time. So, yes—I’m willing to miss one good message every once in a while to avoid having to power through the rest of them.
Last time I cleaned out my voicemail once it filled up, here’s what I heard:
- “Trace?? It’s Mom. I have a message for you, so call me back. So I can give you the message, okay? Love you.”
- “This is a courtesy call from CVS Pharmacy. The prescription you have requested for auto refill is now ready for pick up.”
- “Hey, it’s me— call me.”
- “Hey, it’s me—call me.” (A different "me")
- “This is AT&T U-verse- You recently called us regarding an issue with your service. We are following up to- blah blah blah- “
- " ... So then I said ... HAHAHA!” (Sound of a dish clanking) “Right??” (Inaudible noises) ... ”Get out, he didn’t!!” (A classic butt dial)
- “Hey, it’s me! Call me!!”
- “This is CVS Pharmacy. We still have your prescription. Come pick it up, yo.”
- “Dude ... call me. I’ll be in the car for the next hour or so ... ”
- “Tracy, it’s Mom. I have another message for you. Give me a call. Oh—the phone is beeping, I think that maybe is you calling back. Well if it isn’t you, then call me. Bye!! How do you use this darn call-waiting, Jerry? Do you know if they changed the button I need to push on the call waiting??” Click.
- “Hi Tracy, this is your dentist calling—just a reminder you have an appointment on Wednesday! No need to call us back, we’ll see you then!”
- “This is CVS Pharmacy. If you don’t pick up your mother -#@%$@^%$%$#@% birth control, we’re going to switch it out with a placebo so you get knocked up. Seriously come get this, we aren’t a storage unit.”
- “Hey!!! It’s me!! Call me!!”
- “Hi Tracy, this is your dentist's office reminding you that you have an appointment tomorrow. We’ve already texted you, sent you a post card, and spoken to you six other times about your appointment, but we figured we’d check in one more time— see you tomorrow!”
- “Hi Tracy, it’s your dentist again. We’ll see you at lunchtime today!”
- “This is CVS Pharmacy. We just sold your drugs on the streets of Tijuana. Find a new pharmacy, bitch.”
- “Hey, it’s me! Call me!”
- “Trace?? It’s Mom. Do you remember when you were home at Christmas? Do you remember seeing my good craft scissors? I’m going to do a craft and ... I know you don’t really do crafts, but did you see my scissors? Or take them with you? All my good scissors seem to disappear around here … well. Call me if you know anything about the scissors. Bye!”
- “Hey! It’s me! You finally cleaned out your voicemail so I can leave you a message! That’s great—call me!”
- “Tracy, this is your boss. The meeting we were scheduled to have has been moved. Last time we moved a meeting, you missed it. What’s up? Did you not get my voicemail?”
SEE!!!!! I TOLD YOU!!!!! Only one of them is ever worth listening to!!!! Point proven!!!! TAKE THAT!
Umm … right … so now that I did all that point-proving ... is anyone hiring?
Thanks so much for reading!
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