I sat on the couch last night, between my two daughters, watching DWTS. My husband was in the other room watching the Giants' game between cat naps. It was a typical Monday night in my life. I looked around at my comfortable surroundings and wondered how, on earth, did I get here? I ask that question in total seriousness. My life was on a trajectory 30 years ago that gave no clue about where I ended up. Does everyone feel that way?
I thought about my past relationships and wondered how I got out of those and ended up with my husband, my love, the father of my beloved girls, my life partner. There was never any indication that I would not be married to the wealthy, Jewish, trust fund, New Yorker. No hint that I would end up in CA of all places. Somehow, my house of cards began to crumble. It started with my realization that my hopes and dreams were pinned to a man child. I was way too smart for that. I had aspirations and dreams and he just had money.
As I looked at my girls, I tried to imagine if I could have any kind of happiness if I hadn't had them. NO. The answer is no.
Did people who knew me back "then" see me like I am now? And how am I now?
My husband is essentially a simple man. I have urbanized him quite a bit, but his essence is still "West County". I am not simple. I am not "west county".
Together we built a life, a family, and a business. We currently reside in the same tax bracket that former man child lived in. That is just dripping in irony.
I was not seeing my life clearly before I met Boyd. I am sure that is because I was not being seen clearly. Boyd always saw me. I mean really 'saw' me. He did not want me to change. He never tried to mold me to fit in to his life. And that is saying a lot because I was inserting myself directly in the middle of his entire world. I can only imagine what that was like.
Of course, 20 years later, I know that he had to "import" a potential bride because he did some damage in this town during his dating years. Ha Ha.....
So as I sat with my girls, watching TV and musing about my good fortune, I couldn't help but wonder What if? The miracle about the wondering is, I never finished the thought. The 'what if?', is meaningless. My blessings are countless, my cup runeth over. I smiled to myself, Boyd came in and kissed his 3 girls as he went off to bed. Grace and Lea, snuggled in closer to me. I never pictured it like this. I never thought I could or would have all these riches. I am so thrilled to have been wrong.
I hope my daughters fall in love. I hope they kiss some frogs. I hope they get their hearts broken too. It is the only sure way to know when you have found your prince. I know this for sure.
I have the most amazing life. I am unbelievably greatful. I can describe my life in one word. The word is content. I am filled with contentment. I am content because of the content of my life. My life contains every joy I could ever imagine....and I was never bold enough or brave enough to imagine most of them.
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