A life with a View.

4 years ago

I sat on the couch last night, between my two daughters, watching DWTS. My husband was in the other room watching the Giants' game between cat naps. It was a typical Monday night in my life. I looked around at my comfortable surroundings and wondered how, on earth, did I get here? I ask that question in total seriousness. My life was on a trajectory 30 years ago that gave no clue about where I ended up. Does everyone feel that way? 

I thought about my past relationships and wondered how I got out of those and ended up with my husband, my love, the father of my beloved girls, my life partner. There was never any indication that I would not be married to the wealthy, Jewish, trust fund, New Yorker. No hint that I would end up in CA of all places. Somehow, my house of cards began to crumble. It started with my realization that my hopes and dreams were pinned to a man child. I was way too smart for that. I had aspirations and dreams and he just had money. 

As I  looked at my girls, I tried to imagine if I could have any kind of happiness if I hadn't had them. NO. The answer is no.

Did people who knew me back "then" see me like I am now? And how am I now?

My husband is essentially a simple man. I have urbanized him quite a bit, but his essence is still "West County". I am not simple. I am not "west county". 

Together we built a life, a family, and a business. We currently reside in the same tax bracket that former man child lived in. That is just dripping in irony.

I was not seeing my life clearly before I met Boyd. I am sure that is because I was not being seen clearly. Boyd always saw me. I mean really 'saw' me. He did not want me to change. He never tried to mold me to fit in to his life. And that is saying a lot because I was inserting myself directly in the middle of his entire world. I can only imagine what that was like.

Of course, 20 years later, I know that he had to "import" a potential bride because he did some damage in this town during his dating years. Ha Ha.....

So as I sat with my girls, watching TV and musing about my good fortune, I couldn't help but wonder What if? The miracle about the wondering is, I never finished the thought. The 'what if?', is meaningless. My blessings are countless, my cup runeth over. I smiled to myself, Boyd came in and kissed his 3 girls as he went off to bed. Grace and Lea, snuggled in closer to me. I never pictured it like this. I never thought I could or would have all these riches. I am so thrilled to have been wrong.  

I hope my daughters fall in love. I hope they kiss some frogs. I hope they get their hearts broken too. It is the only sure way to know when you have found your prince. I know this for sure. 

I have the most amazing life. I am unbelievably greatful. I can describe my life in one word. The word is content. I am filled with contentment. I am content because of the content of my life. My life contains every joy I could ever imagine....and I was never bold enough or brave enough to imagine most of them. 

From the outside looking in, it is pretty great. But the real million dollar view is from the inside looking OUT. Trust me, it is pretty awesome.
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