Leading up to the Holiday Diet...

5 years ago

For some of you this week is the kick-off to some of the biggest shopping sales you're likely going to encounter this year, but for me, I like to use this week as a lead up to one of my favorite ways I like to torture and torment myself this time of year...the Holiday diet...

I know, I know, you probably worry about that well after what's left of the Christmas ham is dried out and rotting in the garbage, but as a professional dieter, this is where I excel...I'm not much of a shopper, and after years of stressing over the perfect Christmas gifts, a couple of years ago I had an epiphany...and now the children receive the greatest gift they possibly could hope for in a down economy...a check...I don't even wrap it...I write it out, sign my name and slap a ribbon on it...I hand one to each kid and they ooooh and aaaaah and everyone's happy, especially if it doesn't bounce the first business day after cashing it...

So while you're planning your latest shopping adventure, I'm plotting ways to ruin my Thanksgiving and Christmas appetite...by discovering or planning a diet designed to let me eat all my favorite meals, without gaining a pound...and a couple of years ago, I discovered something that came pretty darn close...the ALLI pill...I initially heard about it through a certain famous country singer by the name of Wynonna...you might remember her from an 80's country band she headed with her mom called the Judds, or you might know her from the number of times she's ended up on Oprah or Ellen, always talking about her weight...

Now Wynonna had either an album or book out-I don't remember now-because all I was focused on was Wynonna talking about some new diet PILL she was on, and since I've always been dreaming about the "magic" pill, the pill that allowed you to eat all you wanted, whatever you wanted and still lose weight, and at the time it appeared Wynonna had found it... It was a pill called Alli, and it's was suppose to prevent your body from absorbing fat from your food, so I put down the bag of fritos I was consuming and speeded down to Walgreens to buy this new miracle product. It looked simple enough, take a blue pill before you stick something in your mouth and try to keep the fat grams down to 12 grams...easy, right? There was also something in the fine print about exploding diarrea and such, but it said the side effects would show up anytime in the next 12 to 48 hours, so that night when I served the family pizza I wasn't too concerned. And 12 hours later when nothing happened I was elated! I did it, I found the magic pill! Unfortunately, when the side effects showed up a good 48 hours later...well...let's just say it was a good thing I had plenty of free time.  The one great thing I can say about Alli is it gave me a wonderful incentive to read, as there was nothing much else to do while holed up in the bathroom...like the newspaper, the bible, or that fine print that came with my Alli bottle. 

On the plus side, I believe that's where I had the epiphany about the Christmas checks...

Cindy Huber



 

 

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