After a lot of consideration and thought, this is going to be my last post on this blog.
I first started this blog as an avenue for me to document my third journey of recovery. I remember starting it, thinking, I wonder if anyone will even read this? After a few weeks, I discovered they did. The following year and few months have been nothing short of miraculous.
I have met so many wonderful, inspirational people through this blog and although I never met them ‘face to face’ I feel they have played a major part in my recovery. These people supported me through comments, emails and tweets. They encouraged me when I was struggling and applauded me through minor victories. The impression they have left on me is unforgettable. To these people, I am forever in your gratitude.
To anyone who has ever read this blog or left a comment, you are the reason I kept writing.
Before I continue, I want to say, I am still sober and will continue to be as long as I continue following my daily practice of sobriety.
I guess the last thing is to explain why I have to let this go.
Firstly, I can no longer keep up with the writing. My thoughts come and just as quickly go. I now find it incredibly hard to write about my recovery the way that I want too.
I also feel I have outgrown ‘mata’. I no longer identify with her and I am so profoundly at peace I don’t need to continually analyse or document my life. I know who I am now and the happiness I have found is far beyond anything I could have imagined. That is not a loud, proud, ‘shout it from the rooftops’ kind of statement, but rather, a peaceful mention.
For me, happiness has been found in the ability to forgive and accept love. In turn I have been able to give love that is quiet and full of a peace that I can’t describe, and don’t need to, because only I know what that means to me.
I know some people will be disappointed and find this decision selfish and for that I apologise. I just feel this is right for me in my recovery and I can no longer share myself.
I wish everyone well in their recovery. If you are reading this blog for the first time and are struggling with your drinking then I highly recommend you check out the blogs I have recommended. You might also like to read through earlier posts on here. I hope you find something that helps. I also hope you find peace.
I have had the Desiderata on this blog since day one, and have carried it around in my purse even longer. I now understand every single word of it. I leave it with you...
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals: and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrending the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the tress and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Strive to be happy.
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