I have come to terms with my behavior on a personal issue involving a family member but I am afraid to speak about it for fear of repercussions. For too long I searched my heart to explain my participation as the cause of the pain I felt. In private conversations with myself, I turned everyone's participation over and ran through possible scenarios. But over time something inside of me changed and I am released. I can go forward but I think I have to be quiet.
The point was driven home to me yesterday after participating in an electronic conversation on Facebook. Someone continued to feel bitterness after a friend died in a nursing home in spite of her best attempts to arrange for her friend to die at home. She had tried to schedule in a number of people as caretakers for her friend but they did not cooperate. Now, some time after her friend's death, she continues to feel animosity against those who would not help her care for her/their friend. She couldn't decide whether she should clock (i.e. punch) the non-cooperative friends who did not help her or focus on releasing the pain she felt from her own heart. These are not my circumstances. But it does describe the pain I held in my heart for a few years that I am now prepared to release.
I want to talk about it because I am free from it now. Yet I am afraid that if I do that I will prompt another dislocation. And I am not willing to chance the disturbance in the family. This is a midlife decision.
Has this happened for you and what did you do.
Cross post from www.boomerwizdom.com
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