This Just In: F* You

5 years ago

When I look back on my past and realize how far I've come and how much I've overcome, I am very proud of me. I feel awesome for having survived my teens and 20s without 1.) killing myself 2.) killing other people and 3.) Having a nervous fucking breakdown. I've done a lot of stupid shit, been asked not to return to restaurants because I fell asleep on their bench outside and wouldn't get up, been arrested and stayed the night in jail, twice, and a plethora of other dumb stuff that were true life lessons and all that crap we learn about ourselves when we act dumb.


I googled, Hot Girl in Jail, and surprisingly my picture didn't come up. This lovely young lady came up instead. I guess there are other hot girls in the world who have gone to jail. Damn it. I thought I was the only one.



 I also think back on how poor I was and I wonder how I ever lived on such a small amount of money and I feel even more proud of myself. I am awesome.


I may have an inflated sense of self since I feel like I overcame a great deal of adversity and that, to me, sets me apart from many people. At least in the area of bad ass points; I have more.


There is one person, however, that never fails to remind me of how fuckin ordinary I am. Unfortunately for me and my self-esteem, I believed this about myself for most of my life and in return was constantly looking for approval from people to validate that I was more than ordinary. I wanted to be unique or special or fuckin something else besides average. I finally had to just BE awesome, start telling people I AM awesome and now awesomeness follows me.


I googled, Awesomeness, and once again, my picture did not come up. I'm willing to share the awesome. 



But, for some reason people don't like confidence or awesomeness. We teach our children not to brag. We want people to be humble. We don't want to...what? Why can't we brag and be outwardly awesome? Why? We need to teach our children to like themselves and stop seeking outside approval from people who are mean and not awesome. Why can't we toot our own horn when we do something fuckin cool or get through something amazing? What's the big deal? Is it only because it's annoying to others? Being great should be celebrated and aspired to. We should feel happy for people who are smart and successful. But, we are jealous of their success instead.


I know some people who keep their awesomeness under wraps. Mostly women. Women, for some reason, like to be unsung heroes or some shit like that. Women want people to recognize their greatness without having to really tell people they are awesome. A lot of frustrated and sad women live their lives doing a whole bunch of shit for others and then never getting any recognition.  They might expect their spouse or boyfriend to adore them without them really doing much to obtain adoration. So, if you make dinner every mother fuckin night, you are a goddamn saint.  No one should be expected to cook for someone else unless your profession has the words, Food, Cook, or Chef in it and you are getting paid. I'm sure many stay at home moms cook and clean and put stuff away and pick stuff up all day long and I'm sure many of them are looking for recognition from spouses about how much work they actually do. That's why there is such a friction between SAHM and working moms. The SAHM struggle for recognition from society that they actually do work. So someone has made up little catchy sayings for them to make them feel good about themselves since they are so unrecognized. If I were a stay at home mom I would sing my own praises all day long. I might even make a list of all the amazing stuff I did all day and then show it to people.


1.) Me



Lauding your accomplishments is not a negative trait. It helps people see how awesome you are when you probably spent at least a portion of your life thinking you weren't good enough. Someone told me a couple months ago that I was narcissistic and perhaps loved myself too much. But I don't think so. Liking who you are and appreciating how far you've come is not a flaw. It's a skill.


There is a difference between being proud of yourself and being a total bragging douche. Like drinking alcohol you have to know when to stop without acting like a fool. Here are some tips intermingled with my astute opinion about how to be humble, but still awesome.


1.) Conduct an honest evaluation of yourself. Honesty with yourself is the best policy. If you know you are weak in a certain area, your enemies will not be able to have that power over you. Accept yourself as you are.

 * How this applies to me: I know I can't sing or dance well. So I sing and dance every chance I get. People love this about me. I joined a choir in high school at a church I went to and I tried to sing. I was humiliated for months because I knew I couldn't sing, everyone in the room knew I couldn't sing, yet no one said anything and I continued to feel inadequate. Now I embrace my inability to sing or dance.I'm awesomely bad at it.


2.) Understand your limitations. No matter how talented you are, there is almost always somebody who can do something better than you. Look to those who are better and consider the potential for improvement.

* I am good at teaching, exercising, being dedicated, making fun of people, writing, and being awesome. But I realize that there are many people who are better at it than I am. So whatever. We can all be awesome.


3.) Recognize your own faults.We judge others because it's a lot easier than looking at ourselves.

* Well, I judge others AND look at my own faults. So I guess the universe and I are cool.


4.) Think about yourself under different circumstances. Much of what we give ourselves credit for is actually a product of luck.

* There are a lot of lucky things that happened to me in life that some people like to credit God for. I like luck much better. I also worked so hard to get what I wanted I gave myself panic attacks and had to be highly medicated for a short period of time. So fuck you luck. But thanks.


5.)  Appreciate the talents and qualities of others. Challenge yourself to look at others and appreciate the things they can do and, more generally, to appreciate people for who they are.

* Appreciating someone elses awesomeness is sometimes hard to do. It's even harder when that person keeps on saying how great they are but not in a fun way. In a roll your eyes kind of way. My jealousy of others sometimes takes over but then I remember that I am awesome in different ways and at the end of the day, I'm still awesome.


6.) Appreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride, the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance, is rooted in insecurity about yourself. Think about the abilities you have, and be thankful for them.

*Uh yeah, so whoever thinks I'm narcissistic or self-involved or in love with myself. You can fuck off. 


Go be awesome yourself instead of bitter and boring and then find me and I'll give you a high five.


I'm not angry;I'm passionate

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