Did you ever do something that you were pretty sure was what God wanted you to do, and it blew up in your face?
I'm leaving tomorrow to go and pick up my sister and her things. Seems our brother has decided that it's not working out. I won't go into his reasoning, because it makes no sense whatsoever to me, and it doesn't really matter anyway. But he sure has a lot of 'splaining to do, and I sure don't want to be him when he gets to the Great White Throne. 'Nuff said.
All of this came to a head Saturday morning, with incoherent phone calls and shoutings and hysterics and threats and all sorts of nastiness. The local law was involved, but due to a small town mentality and the fact that the 'fiance' has lived there all her life, it's a fairly sure bet that there was not an impartial viewing of the circumstances. Plus our brother can make a convincing case of something that is patently untrue.
In any case, what is happening now is that my sister again has nowhere to live. She will be staying with a friend for a few days, and my nephew found somewhere for her to store what things she doesn't need right away. If she can stay calm long enough to think logically, she will be able to make long-term plans. Or she can keep getting upset and offended and do nobody any good. Her choice.
It may sound as if I don't want to help her. But God knows my heart, and He also sees what I and other family members are doing to extricate her from this latest crisis. I'm not about to justify my actions; God is my judge. So while I will not allow her to go hungry, or sleep on a park bench, I am also not going to make it my business to rescue her every time she gets into a jam. I am not her rescuer; God is.
It's not for me to offer a solution for all of her real or imagined problems. I can offer her the tools and point her to the One who can solve everything, but if she chooses to stay in her life and be in constant crisis mode, I cannot and will not go there. I do not need more drama.
It seems that the deep grief has finally snuck up on me. I have been fighting with it for weeks, and at times it threatens to overwhelm me. A 22-hour drive is not what I really want to do right now, but thankfully my nephew is going with me to share the driving and provide muscle for both moving and protection. He offered, and he also came up with the transport solution that was both economical and do-able. He also offered to do the whole thing himself, and spare me the trip. I think he's turning into a nice and thoughtful man. I'm glad for that, because I sure had my doubts for the past twenty years or so.
There I go, digressing again. What I meant to say was that probably a good bit of this could be due to my sister's choice to take offense where none is meant. I noticed it when she was visiting, and tried to very kindly and lovingly point it out to her. I don't know if she got it or not. We (my husband and I) learned a long time ago in a class for pastors that if you can be offended, you will be. So we made the choice not to be. It's certainly not easy; I messed up a few weeks ago and was deeply wounded by a careless and thoughtless remark. But remembering the teaching, I made the choice to forgive and release the offense so that it might not have the power to hurt me.
I truly pray that my sister was listening to me, and listening when I pointed out that every time I said something positive, she immediately came back with something negative. I know she's in a tight spot, but her words are not making it any better. They're actually making it worse, and she is shooting herself in the foot when she makes those remarks. I have done it myself, so I know how much easier it is to moan and bellyache than to say what God says about the situation. Of course, to do that you need to KNOW what He says, which means you need to spend time in the Word and not looking at TV or working puzzle books (or playing Township, which is a weak spot for me).
So here's the deal. My friends all know how much I am struggling with fighting this grief, and I have told them in order that they may pray with me. I am choosing not to give in to it, but instead I will hold fast to the promises my Father has given me, and that Jesus died to pay for.
It's my choice. And I choose Jesus.
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