Has anyone else seen the girl outside Back Bay station this morning? She’s a pretty, normal looking brunette, so at first glance one might mistake her for someone handing out menus or something. Only, this person is handing out pamphlets for the END OF THE WORLD. And she’s being totally low energy about it.
“(mumble, mumble, mumble) …because the world is ending today.”
The last part of her spiel trails off so you can barely hear what she's even saying. It’s a damn good thing she’s wearing a ginormous wooden sign that says “THE WORLD IS ENDING!” on both sides.
Listen, girlfriend. You're doing it all wrong! Say it with a little conviction! And enunciate, please! I don't know about you, but I prefer my doomsday zealots to be LOUD and BOISTEROUS! Use some hand gestures for crying out loud! And would it kill you to get a wild gleam in your eye? I mean, come on. You're totally phoning it in. And I don't appreciate it.
Maybe someone should buy her a Red Bull. There's a quickie mart nearby that I'm sure sells 5 Hour Energy.
My actor’s brain tends to search for a motive when I witness behavior such as this. Just off the top of my head, there are a few scenarios I can think of that might justify this situation:
Did she lose a bet?
Did she sign up at a really sucky temp agency and this is her very first assignment?
Is she sleepwalking?
Is she being punished by her parents for getting wasted last night?
Mumble, mumble, mumble…because the world is ending today. Maybe on my lunch break I’ll go out and offer her a coaching. I’m sure she can get it right, if she only practices a little!
THE WORLD IS ENDING TODAY! Once again now, with feeling!
More from living