Is it bad that I only dream of sleeping?

3 years ago
I used to dream about being a famous writer; sitting on a chair swapping stories with Ellen while pretending to drink coffee out of one of her famous white mugs. She'd ask me questions like"when did you first know you wanted to be a c̷o̷m̷e̷d̷i̷a̷n̷ s̷t̷r̷i̷p̷p̷e̷r̷ writer?" and "why did you wait until you were eighty to publish your first novel?"
It was a good dream; a fantastic dream, and one that I wish I still had. 
But lately all I ever seem to dream about is sleep. Sometimes I dream that I'm lying in a field of fresh lavender that gently rocks back and forth with each passing tide of the wind; other times I'm in my own bed pretending to be asleep and desperately wishing that I were. To dream of not being able to sleep is a nightmare of its own reality and whenever I find myself having one of those, I try to alert my consciousness just like that nut-job did on Elm Street.
I always loved the night, even when I was too young to tell time. I'd stay up until two in the morning if my mother let me and often did on weekends. There was an odd comfort to the whispers and shadows that crept around the house when the lights went out and I could never seem to get enough of it. As I got older, my appreciation for the abandoned darkness had morphed itself into a late night blur that left me feeling a bit woozy the next day. 
And now... I just want to sleep!

I think about it all the time and often lose myself in visions of sweatpants, remote controls and fuzzy pink slippers. And although I keep myself on a very tight motherly leash, enjoying every second of time spent with a rather precocious child; there is a moment of truth that comes to fruition whenever her head hits the pillow and I am released of all parental obligations.

Sometimes I wish I could roll back the clock and wake up twenty years ago at a place that no longer exists. Sister's of Mercy would be gently thumping in the background while I twirled and shimmied my way up to the bar to order another round. And a mirror propped behind a shelf full of half-empty liquor bottles would reflect an image from a time that I can never get back. But just as expected and without any warning, I'll wake up and realize that my wish was really just another dream; a fantastic dream... 

And one that I can't wait to have again (hopefully TONIGHT)!

@sassypiehole_website.jpg?1379005208883" alt="sassypiehole" width="241" height="45" />

This is an article written by a member of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.

More from living

by Julie Sprankles | 5 days ago
by Michelle Carlbert | 5 days ago
by Fairygodboss | 10 days ago
by Catherine Conelly | 10 days ago
by Sarah Brooks | 11 days ago
by Julie Sprankles | 11 days ago
by Justina Huddleston | 12 days ago
by Fairygodboss | 17 days ago