Lately I've been struggling. I feel as if I am growing as a writer but my readers have a certain expectation from my blog. They expect to come there every day and get the same experience they had the day before. I, on the other hand, don't want the same experience. I want a new direction. I want something different. The days I've written differently on my blog, the readership has gone down. Yet the people to whom I look to for writing advice have praised my work. It's a conundrum. Do I allow myself to grow in public and risk losing readers or do I write privately and keep my blog the same?
I didn't start my blog looking for an audience. I didn't even know what the blogging community was about. I was naive to say the least. I just wanted a space for myself. I felt that on Facebook I had to be a little stuffy due to being a teacher and I couldn't just be me. That's how it's been my entire life. I've always had to "act" a certain way. On my blog, I didn't. Then people started following me. I wasn't expecting that. I can't lie. I like it. It feels good to be validated. And that's where the difficulty of my decision comes in. Now that I have that validation, do I move on? Do I grow and risk losing it?
I know I need to. I am just insecure about it. It's not fun to not be "in the crowd." But I really do want to be a better writer. And so it goes. And so it goes.
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