I'm Having a Meltdown at Target...

4 years ago

I'm going to Target to buy an Avocado...

I should go to the regular grocery store that's closer to me, but as I'm walking out the door it occurs to me that I need a Swifter too...just in case I ever get the urge to clean my kitchen floor again which actually happened yesterday between 2:30p and 3p but couldn't because one of the kids used the Swifter to clean the snow off their car two weeks ago, and then never returned it...The other reason I should go to the grocery store closest to me is that there is a big snow/ice storm moving into the area and I should get to the store and back before it hits...but, the Swifter is 3 dollars cheaper at Target because I have a coupon...

The problem at Target has nothing to do with the fact it's 3 miles farther then the nearest grocery store...it's that everyone else has exactly the same idea, hit the store before the storm...who knew everyone in Milwaukee needed a Swifter at exactly the same time I did!  But there's no such thing as buying one stinking item at the store, and it occurs to me that I probably need laundry detergent...it's not a question of if we're out, I have 3 adult kids living at home...and it's Sunday, I'm just gonna assume we're out...

As I'm looking for the Swifter's (just where in the hell do they put them anyway???) I find the vitamin aisle and see the fish oils are on sale for 6 bucks for 360 softgels...I dimly remember my cardiologist recommending fish oil so into the cart it goes...along with a couple of cans of Campbell chicken noodle soup, 3 Vitamin waters, and Concord grape juice...Wait a minute!   It's Sunday night so I'm going to need popcorn and so I head to the snack aisle where it's unbelievable...EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the store is in the same aisle and I suddenly morph into one of my grandson Aaron's favorite X-box game from Call of Duty--my grandson is partial to Black Ops 2--where I'm a Team of One destroying thousands of Milwaukeans who are blocking my 35 calories per cup Boom Chicka Pop which unfortunately is not on sale this week, and was probably cheaper at the grocery store, which was closer to me then Target...and by the way, what is the weather doing out there?

I hurry to the check out where the aisles are three lines deep...snaking around the Maybelline make up samples I resist the urge to buy Maybelline 24 hour superstay 24 hour lip gloss because it highlights my smoker lines....and I left my Swifter coupon at home.

It's driving home from Target that scares me the most...in the short amount of time I was inside, the storm arrived and the clear highways I drove 9 miles over are now completely snow and ice covered and as I'm sitting at the red light outside the store,  I see a lady in a big black minivan barreling towards me...I've always wondered what I'd do if I saw someone in my rearview mirror about to plow into me...and now I know...I'd freeze...Yes, I'd just sit there waiting for the ka-boom!  At the last minute she turned into the opposite lane and rolled onto the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and then miraculously, because there was no on-coming traffic, she put her minivan into reverse and pulled back behind me...Shaken, I drove home 20 miles under the speed limit and was just pulling into the driveway when it hit me...I forgot the Avocado.

Cindy Huber

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