I was a success ONCE...

3 years ago


I do not have anything to prove. Not professionally speaking anyhow. I am almost 52 years old. Most of my mom friends are MUCH younger. I had my girls at 38 and 40. So yes, I am a bit older. Prior to the birth of my lovely girls, I had a "job". Helping my husband start his construction company. I was able to help him because prior to marrying him, I had a career. I worked in the cosmetic industry. I started behind the Estee Lauder counter in Tucson, AZ in 1983. I moved to NYC in 1987 to continue my career on a more corporate level. When I fled NYC in 1991 and moved to CA, I transitioned back to Estee Lauder as a counter manager where I worked for my now, MIL. Then I snatched up her son, married him and quit my job.

I had great success in the cosmetic world. I made a very good salary and was well respected. I supervised about 100 beauty advisors, in NY and NJ, and was responsible for over $6 million dollars’ worth of business. I was kind of a big deal.

Helping my husband start his business was so much fun. I loved being the business side while he was the face and the body of Stockham Construction. It was very rewarding. We worked well together for the most part because he really respected me. It lasted for about 7 years. Then the girls were born and I phased out. It is fine. I have great memories of my husband and I day dreaming about all of his goals for the company and me strategizing how I could help him get there.

Today, he is at the helm of a huge corporation. Over 150 employees. His own commercial building. A fleet of trucks with his name on them, all over the bay area. And most importantly, I don't have to do a thing except show up once a month to do the Bank Rec, and help with the Annual Holiday Party. It is awesome!!!

Today's writing prompt: Are you content with having really good memories and the knowledge that you did something amazing or do you constantly have to achieve new things to be happy?

Asked. And answered.

I am a mom. All consuming. A SAHM even. I went round and round with a daughter yesterday about her "freedom". I got down and dirty. At one point she compared her friend’s freedoms and how the mom lets her go anywhere after school until 4 or 4:30. Now this child has divorced parents, both working outside the home, and 6 siblings between two homes. Yes. She has more freedom. But it is not because her mom is cooler than me. It's because her mom is struggling to make it all work.

How could I, without dogging the shit out of this other mom, prove to my kid that I am not raising her the same way for a reason.....reason being...I DON'T HAVE TO. I have one job, being a mom, and 2 kids. I don't work. I am not divorced. Hello dingbat! You are the lucky one!!!!! Holy heaven. This was only part of what had my kid so spun out I had to drive around the block. Literally...to save her life. It was THAT intense.

Parenting is a son of a gun. I don't need to achieve anything except getting through each day with my wits and their lives, still intact. I don't even have time to call on my memories of my amazing negotiating skills or my problem solving techniques. This is raw emotion, coiled in bursting hormones, dripping in pride. It's a flipping shit storm.

My husband is busy too. He can't field 5 phone calls from a crying kid saying mom is a heinous hag and a wrecked wife saying "back me up or pack up mother fucker! We are team Stock remember"???? Yeah...I went a bit high and to the right. It was a scene. You shoulda been there. Now throw in the added dynamic of the other child wanting to chime in for both sides..."sister, shut up", to "mom, calm down". I cannot begin to explain how draining it was. But if you are raising kids you don't need an explanation.

Today, I am happy to have successfully dropped both girls off to their schools and received an "I love you", unprovoked, from each one. I will glide through my day until the afterschool drama starts again.

I am standing firm on the 2 points from yesterday: No, you cannot get a "Kik" and yes, you will play one school sport in the fall and one school sport in the spring, or you will not do your favorite pastime. <-----that's a period, the end.

Solidarity on the parental front. It is the only way. Now about my blood pressure....

Holy bejesus...no wonder we drink. I mean wow. The high school years are in my vision and I am not excited. I am working to cement my game plan so I don't crack. I feel good about my chances. By "good" I mean "ok". By "ok" I mean I think I have a chance. On most days. Not yesterday. But maybe today. Tomorrow? Seems so far away.

The AA mantra comes to mind...One day at a Time. Special thanks to Bonnie Franklin. Valerie Bertinelli did fine. Let's stick with that. Mackenzie Phillips throws my entire theory into the fire.

That came up yesterday too....pregnant, drop out, on drugs...


I tell ya, it was a mess.

New day. Second chance.

Yay me.

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