I Want to Poo When I Feel Like It

The best part about the weekends or any days off from work is that I can poo when I want.  You know you're going to have a good day when you have the chance to poo in the morning.  I don't know about you, but for me, I need a little bit of time after I wake up to brew up a batch.  Having to wake up then immediately get ready for work puts too much pressure on me to get the proper brewing process going.  This ultimately leads to a forced bowel movement, which isn't fun or ideal, OR not pooping before work at all, which is THE WORST.  It makes me bloated and gassy and gives me that uncomfortable feeling that something is waiting to happen in my gastrointestinal system all day.  Kind of like prairie dogging, but not quite there; it's as though the prairie dog is waking up out of hibernation and is thinking about getting ready to come out of hiding.  This then leads to me pooping in spurts throughout the day in little nuggets, which is not nearly as satisfying as one big solid poo.  Of course, these little nuggets have to happen at work when I can possibly catch a moment to do it and while having the added pressure of knowing that someone could be outside waiting to go next, which would then lead to the embarrassing bathroom exit walk of shame.

What's my point to all of this?  Well, I think this pooping dilemma is a metaphor for all of the things I find annoying about working for someone else.  Between the lack of freedom to "express" myself when I want to, the pressure to do things a certain way in a certain time frame, and the insecurity of not performing to others' standards, (this, in particular, reminds me of the embarrassing bathroom exit walk of shame), I find that the desire to poo when I feel like it is very much akin to my desire to work for myself.  Let me put it this way:  When you're under pressure to poo quickly or having to hold it, you're doing this to survive to get through the day.  You're not actually enjoying the poo or even releasing it in a healthy way.  You're in survival mode, and you know you just need to get through it and get through the day.  When you're at home, and you have the freedom to poo when you want to, you can relax and let it happen organically.  You don't need to force it or hold it in. It's healthier AND more enjoyable.  It's the difference between surviving and living, between merely existing and living.

Existing versus living--there's a big difference between the two.  Existing means just to get through your days to get through them.  It means to do things just because you have to, not because you want to.  It means to swallow your desires and shut them away in order to survive.  Living, well, that's a completely different story.  Living means to relish your days and do what you do because you want to.  It means following your desires, your heart, your thoughts.  It means assigning meaning to your life.

I want to poo when I feel like it.  I want to live my life how I feel like it.

**Please feel free to follow me on Twitter @MariaCMeow

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