I really AM old!

4 years ago

Well, it happened.

Yesterday was the day I realized I am much older than I was ready to admit.

It was one of my good friend’s birthdays, so our little group of women decided we would take her out. It was time for some sushi and some drinks to celebrate! The day was going to be great!

Imagine the setting, three giggling woman at a smoky, quiet, run down bar, completely stuffed with sushi and enjoying a couple of drinks on a nice lazy Sunday. Our favorite music was blaring on the jukebox. (However, not too loud, so we could still hold a conversation). It was fantastic!

That is, until we started discussing the 70’s. Yes, we had that moment. The moment where as your laughing about the stupid things that happened when you were a child, out of nowhere, the cute new bar tender with the grate ass, decides at that moment to open his mouth and address us.

We all stopped mid-sentence to see what the quiet guy was going to finally say, because we have been here a while and all he has uttered  are grunts and head nods.

Bartender (we shall call him dumb dumb for all expectant purposes): The 70’s?? You were around in the 70’s?! Wow, that’s crazy! (Looking at us like some Archaeological find)

Us: Oh no he didn’t (yes with head rolls and everything. We were already 2 glasses of wine into our day.. Okay I won’t lie, about 5 beers and maybe a shot… but the wine sounded more classy and respectable, as well as something a group of old women should be drinking)

Me: He did not just go there!

Us: Lots of giggling and discussing how he wasn’t going to make a very good tip.. Already he is failing bartender 101.Never…and I mean NEVER, tell women they are old!

Dumb Dumb: Well I wasn’t born until the 80’s so I have no idea what you ladies are talking about. Sounds like the 70’s were, umm… cool? (waiting for him to say his mother was around in the 70’s)


*Screeching tires and crashing noises*

There was the moment. Everything in your life is now flashing in front of your eyes. In a thirty-second blur, you realize with horror that, you are now older than your surroundings.

The moment you realize that, you now have gray hair that store bought hair dye doesn’t want to cover.  Those fine lines around your eyes are there even when you are not squinting at the sun. That second you realize that OMG you have children almost as old as the cute bar tender and maybe it’s wrong that you have been looking at his ass every time he turns around to pour you another beer from the tap. But worst of all, you are now closer to retirement than you are to your last year of high school.

 It didn’t end there. We were now becoming depressed and hexing this guy. We are wondering where our regular bartender Jacky is, because even though she is young, she’s a riot and makes your bar experience fantastic!  (she would never call us old even though we are)

Everywhere I go, everyone is a child.

When did it go from, “You know that old lady down the street who is like…40ish” Too I am that old lady!

Now when I refer to someone being old, I say, “You know that older woman; she’s in her mid to late 70’s”

When did I have to start using makeup to cover age spots… and start worrying about what was in my 401k, because someday (and not to faraway) I will hopefully be able to retire.

When did the music I listened to turn into classic rock?!

When did 20 become a child! And where the hell did my last 20 years go?!! And for god’s sake….When did I become a ma’am?!

When did having five beers turn into heading home around 8 pm and not wanting to answer my alarm the next morning! What happen to the days where you could drink all night and still only need two hours of sleep?

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not really miss my 20’s. When I was 20, all I worried about was how thin I should be, (carbs! *gasp* I would never!)

I only cared about where the next party was and what other people thought about me. I was carefree and owned the world. (At least I thought I did). I was self-centered and always broke. Although, I wasn’t a ma’am and could remember what it was I was supposed to do without needing a post it note to remind me. Or the other post it note to remind me about the other post it note.

 So, from now on I am giving up birthdays in the sense that I will no longer acknowledge how old I will be turning. From now on, I am forever in my thirties.

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