I Don't Want To Live, Just To Die....

6 years ago

.....That was my Twitter status last night.

I've been on this quest here lately to find myself and find the person I want to be. On my last days I want to be remembered for who I am and some great I've done. And while I've taken numerous family photos that will hang in peoples homes to provide joyfulness...will anyone really remember the photographer being that camera? I've had my childrens pictures taken at Sears and Walmart but I can't for the life of me remember the photographers names or if I even asked them their name.

My husband is currently in the process of re-enlisting in the United States Marines. He was in before for about 8 years before we were together. I support his decision to go back because I would never stand in the way of his dreams. He is so excited. He's done something amazing with his life and will be remembered by all who love him as an American hero, and our children will pass on to our grandchildren stories of how he fought for our country and the sacrifices he made.

I sit here and I wonder what I will be remembered for or who. I want to not only be happy in life but successful. I don't want to just fade into the background. A veritable "what's her name". I often find myself bored on the verge of tears. I want excitement and adventure. I want to travel and visit the Great Wall of China, Ireland, England and the Lake District, Scottland. I want to write romance novels. I want to live in Japan, Ireland, and England (Hey I can dream ;)...Although Josh and I have decided we will live in Japan and Ireland one day!) I want to give to a great cause! Do hands on charitable work...mission trips, etc. This latter must wait till the kids are older.

I want, I want, I want...I sound like a petulant child. HaHa...seriously though...I sit and wonder why can't I make my dreams come true, or, more truthfully, what's holding me back from making my dreams come true. I just want to feel like my life was well lived and worth while. I'll probably revisit these thoughts later. I guess this is what I get for being a free bird and restless by nature. :)

I want to live a live worthy of living.

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