I Cry at Least Once a Day

3 years ago

Yesterday started out fine, even good. I even said to myself, at around 9 in the morning, "Today is going to be good day.” Famous last words. (I feel like I have lived long enough to know that when you get cocky that early in the day about nothing going wrong for the rest of it that you have set yourself up for the most damage.) At any rate, nothing went terribly wrong. It was simply that I had one of those interactions with someone close to me that makes everything suddenly just a little sour. It all happened so fast. Someone said something. I said something back. They said something back, and boom, all of a sudden, my good day wasn’t so great.

I tried to just go on like I was all right. I did some work. I went for a walk. I worked out, I made some healthy food and ate it, I forced myself to do some chores. One of the chores, which involved moving something that I thought would be a really big nightmare to move, turned out to be very easy, and I told myself, see, your day isn’t that bad. You just got this unpleasant chore out of the way. But I still didn’t feel right.

I had a social thing I was supposed to do, and I considered not doing it, but then I just forced myself to go. As soon as I got there, I knew it was a bad idea. I wanted to burst into tears, and the more people that said, “Hi, how’s it going?” with friendly faces, the more I wanted to cry. I said I needed to get something out of my car, and I was going to leave, and another woman who I only know a little said she needed to step out as well, and so out into the dark we went.

The moment we were outside and the door was closed behind us, I burst into tears. I’m not going to say that I couldn’t help it, but I do remember thinking, hey, why not? “I’m having such a bad day,” I said. I knew this woman enough to know that she wasn’t going to think I was a complete lunatic, but I wasn’t expecting her to put her arms around me. Then she said, “It’s OK. I got you.”

 


Image Credit: Sethoscope

 

I cried really hard. I was partly crying because I was having a bad day, but I was also crying because it was so touching that this woman, who was really no more than an acquaintance, was so willing to just let me have this vulnerable and arguably embarrassing moment in her presence. I don’t know how much time passed. Maybe 45 seconds. All of a sudden I lifted my head up and said, “I feel better now.” And I really did, too.

“Good,” she said, and in that moment, I realized I found a kindred spirit.

“Do you cry all the time, too?” I asked. “I cry like, at least once a day.”

“Oh my God,” she said. “I cry ALL the time. I was just crying today, for like, an hour.”

As we walked to our cars, I told her, a) that I didn’t really need to get anything out of my car, and b) how much I appreciated that she had just accepted that I was all right when I said I felt better. That she hadn’t said, “Are you sure?” or “Do you want to talk?” She said, “Isn’t it horrible when you cry in front of someone and they’re like, ‘Do you want me to call someone?’ and you’re like, “’I’m just crying. I’m not giving birth.’”

We laughed and agreed that we could both cry in front of each other whenever we wanted. Then we went back inside where I smiled, talked and conversed like the normal, emotionally stable human being I so obviously am.

Originally published on PurpleClover

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