I can't keep up!

4 years ago

I can’t keep up with my own life!!  I am so tired; I work full time, I am a mother to a two year old daughter, and I go to school full time.  I am just so sick and tired of always needing to do something or falling behind on something that I don’t know what to do.  Many of my co-workers go out every weekend, together.  They go to eat, drink, and hang out with each other.  They have families and children but they have their own lives to live.  I don’t understand why I can’t be the same way…..I feel so guilty if I even entertain the idea of leaving my daughter to go out on my own.  I feel like that every spare minute of any extra time should be given to her.  Is this unhealthy?  Is something wrong with me?  I feel guilty because I have to leave her to work.  She cries every morning that I leave and it breaks my heart.

Why can’t I take the time to have my hair done or hang out with the girls without feeling like the world’s worst mother???  Clearly I need therapy!  I do not begrudge my daughter but I feel like I fail her or am failing her as a mother.  I should be there to meet her every need but I can’t be there all the time.  I have to work. I know this isn’t going to sound very modern or feminist but there are days that I would like nothing better than to be barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen with my baby hanging on to my apron strings!!  How is that for taking feminism back a hundred years????  Of course, the barefoot and pregnant would be of my own accord and I would still be the director of my world/life.  If only it worked that way!!!!  Until then I guess I will admire the women who can make time for a little me time and feel guilt over leaving my daughter.  It has to get better…..right?

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