Ever Cried in a Performance Review?

5 years ago

On Sunday, I turned 36. I think I am holding up pretty well, in fact, a coworker this morning said that she would believe 26 if I had told her that. Score one for me, I reckon.

You may have wondered where I have been the last few days. Or not. I'll share anyway.

On Friday, I had a performance planning meeting with my boss. As is customary, I threw something together very last minute expecting it to be a sign of just how horrible I am at my job that I cannot even concisely put together my own position description or performance goals.

Then I spent several days working myself into a nervous tizzy that I was going to be fired on the spot for being incompetent and a waste of space and air in favor of someone far more capable than myself.

By Friday afternoon, I was wiped out. I was ready for it. I knew that I was about to be let go. I had not really slept the night before and I was ready to be handed my walking papers.

And so we began.

"You did a really great job on your position description. You are the only one of my direct reports that I didn't have to correct and rewrite," Mr. Awesome Boss said.

I began to sob waiting for the "but".

"Additionally, your performance goals are commendable and show that you put a lot of heart and thought into how you could improve your job and the way that our unit processes paperwork."

Wait. Is this going well? Why can't I stop crying? What in the Hell is wrong with me?

"Overall, I am very happy with you and the job that you have been doing for the last year. I am impressed that you were able to learn so much with little to no training, that you have been able to catch on quickly on how to triage things that may become issues, and that you seem to have taken over a lot of responsibility quickly and almost seamlessly."

Are you still freaking crying? What the Hell? Why can't you stop crying?

"Have I upset you in someway? This is all very good. You are doing a great job."

"No. No.", I respond meekly. "I have no idea why I am acting like a lunatic right now. I really like this position. I enjoy having you as a boss. I really don't want to lose my job."

He smiled at me and then said, "If you keeping doing the great work that you have been doing, someone else is going to scoop you up and offer you more money that our unit has. We all know how great you are. I can't offer you more money, what would you like to do that would make your job better, easier, or more enjoyable?"

I blinked in disbelief, perhaps this really is just a dream, I thought.

It wasn't until 20 minutes later that I realized that it was not a dream, I am a lunatic, and I need to get some help for my poor self esteem issues.

36 - I hope you are better than 35.


Credit Image: Used tissues via Shutterstock

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