It’s Happy Tuesday and if I were on Chicken Road I would be skipping merrily through mud, snow and sheep poo to the grocery store to stock up on goodies. Namely wine, nuts, cat food and a few other essentials. But not today. Today I am in wintry Westchester - epicenter of the current polar vortex and focus of the Toilet Men.
They arrived, one at a time, several hours ago. They have been threatening me for weeks. I must point out that there is nothing at all wrong with my toilet. The problem lies beneath… The apartment below to be precise. (I am tempted to titillate with toilet humor and wax on about the ‘bowels of the building,’ but I will resist, for now).
They said it would take about 30 minutes…. Multiply that by an insane, leg crossing number and here I perch, uncomfortably on my chair while the cat sniggers behind me as she slopes off to her litter box.
One of the Toilet Men is in the apartment below (the bowels - couldn’t resist) and the other one is in my bathroom. They are shouting at each other through the hole in the floor. Someone’s phone rang and a third person joined in the conversation. I wonder if they knew they were conversing in a toilet shaped space? A place where a toilet once was but is no more.
I’ve just heard the reassuring sound of a flush. And noticed that the cat is missing. I wonder if this means my bathroom has been restored? Or else we have all been transported to an alternate reality. Or the cat is now trapped in the apartment below - the bowels - like Jonah in a whale. More muffled shouting - or is it speaking in tongues? Perhaps Goblin, no, Troll. Definitely Troll.
Which can only mean I am in an alternate U-bend reality and Happy Tuesday may become a permanent Happy Loo’s day!
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