Participating in 100 Happy Days has created a pleasant habit of thinking, being aware of & wanting to share some happy moments in my day. I decided tonight to go back to BlogHer.com to write a post via the blog site to help me get back into writing daily (beyond my happy posts). So here goes.
Day 117 of #365happydays: It has become apparent to me that, in an EFFORT to be grateful and extract these generous moments to ponder and post (and there are MANY...DAILY), I have noticed more & more sadness and trying days, of late. A wise woman this evening said that it is an effort and it put a spin on it for me. I am taking the time to be aware of what is beautiful, loving, light and makes me happy. I accepted the challenge, so I should not be surprised when it is challenging!
Today, I had a productive work day, it's still Summer so I am living in the moment and appreciate these lazy days while they're here rather than mourn their impending demise. I got a compliment on my dress and my sweet son showed me, yet again, how much he loves me, as soon as he sees me. I cherish his unconditional love and am happy seeing him happy. Looking up at my Cover Photo, seeing his silly face makes my heart swell.
Finally, I heard an old song on the radio tonight!! INXS' "Dear God." Do you remember that? I LOOOOOOVE it and felt it SO appropriate for me, tonight, as I was shaken by sadness and scary news of child abuse at daycare, broken necks and collar bones, sick animals and a neighbor with cancer. I was heavy, weighted by the world, feeling more than "highly sensitive" but more like I'm in my own category: The "superty-duper extremely overly-sensitive person." I am unable to heal the world. Unable to even know where to begin, so with my neighbor, I started with a hug and then a prayer for the ill and for me and my family to remain healthy and alive for years to come.
When I am shaken by the human experience and wonder if I'm the only person alive who finds being an adult really hard or scratching my head over a travesty that makes me question my faith, I realize that I never once falter in my belief that God (which to me is equal to UNCONDITIONAL LOVE) is omnipresent and I think that, as awful, disgusting, horrifying and shocking an experience is, if there is a cosmic consciousness after we leave this plane, I'd like to think that this time we have on Earth is exactly what we'd planned prior to arriving and living as long as we did. I'd like to think that we eventually move on and know that whatever happened while here, it was what we'd asked and hoped for and we learned from it. It is an egotistical hope but it is how I currently feel. I also know that it is possible that there is nothing and we are an extremely complex accident but the work and world we have created, the strides, discoveries and cracking of the Code of Life are intense. Could it have just been an accident?
Who da heck knows? I am on a TANGENT that is spawned by my own need to work it out tonight. My need to speak through my fingers to the Universe because I have questions has led me back to my blog. I sound a bit nutter, I realize. Wasn't this a Happy Day post? It still is. Longer, bigger. I am happy for my beautiful, scary life.
Dear God, hope you got my letter and
I pray you can make it better down here...
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