I lost my first family member when I was 7. My grandfather, my favorite person in the world outside my dad, died suddenly from a heart attack. He was young by today's standards being only in his 60's. My entire family was left shell shocked especially my grandmother who became so angry & hurtful that grief left her almost impossible to be around for some of us.
Every few years since then, someone I treasure has been ripped away: my birth father, my favorite aunts, my uncles, friends, my Dad, my soul mother, my younger brother. And each time there is someone who tells me that I need to get over it, that life happens, that I should tamp it down, suck it up, move on.
Grief doesn't work that way, though.
Grief gets stuck in my throat. It spreads a cloak and wraps me up so tight I cannot breathe or think, I can only feel. Grief allows me to see things I could not see before, to accept things, to understand the deepness of my heart and soul.
Grief should never be ignored. It's a very personal thing and each person does it differently. There is no right or wrong way. It's been 12 years and I miss my dad every single day, and I always will. It's been 3 years and I feel a shameful sense of relief that my troubled brother is not here, wreaking havoc and hurting everyone around him.
To me, the best way to grieve is to allow yourself to feel whatever comes up: the anger, the pain, the fear, the worry. Each emotion is a reminder that you have lost someone you love but also that you can carry on because you are strong enough to survive each and every time.
When you are in tears and you feel utterly alone with your heart, I grieve for you. I know how you want to hit a wall or scream or weep until you cannot cry another tear ever again.
Grief hurts, but without it, we just hold in too much suffering until we wither away.
If you ever need someone to sit with you, in the dark, in the silence, in the soul, I am here for you. Because I love you and I understand your pain.
For now, I want to share this song Peter Gabriel wrote, just for this moment. Just for you.
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