Friends, Loss, Life and God

7 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.
Let me tell you about some nice people.  I met B and K and was friends with them separately in college, waaaay back in the late '90's and before they were dating.   K and I became closer after we became mothers, me in 2005 and her in 2006. We both had girls and then  I had another one in 2007.  We loved to talk about our "divas,"  toddler meltdowns and the every day stresses of being a mom.  Some days we didn't know if we'd make it until our respective husbands got home.  We provided funny stories, antics and support to one another.  She called her daughter a "Fireball" and Sleeping Beauty was certainly a pistol.  I still have my two with me, but B and K do not.  They are part of the club that no one signs up to be in: Parents without children on earth with them.  
 
 
They are still parents.  The way they are with my girls attests to that.  They are parents without their child.
 
 
 
 
If you are not reading K's blog Anchors of Life, you are missing out.  Sure, some of it is hard to read  sometimes but that is because she spills her emotions out all over the page.  She writes with her whole heart and soul.   Knowing what is on her heart and in her thoughts will make you strive to be a better person.
 
 
 
Below is a picture of my family with B and K taken on October 16, 2010.  They were within a couple of hours away from us on a trip so we drove to meet them and spent a Saturday afternoon with them and some of their friends.  Now they are friends of my husband and girls.  My girls adore B and K and Sleeping Beauty likes to talk on the phone with K.
 
 
 
And she is just as gorgeous on the inside as she is on the outside:

Can I let you in on a little secret?  K is changing lives.  God is using her to change my heart.   God is working in B and K, we just cannot see the big picture.  Yet.  She is a wonderful example of a Godly woman.  If she does what I have kinda begged, er, asked her to do, she will write an amazing book.  You heard it here first.  ;o)  God truly dwells within these two people.
 
 

Let me tell you a little bit more about B and K and their "Sweet Fireball".  This is going to be hard to write.  Er, I mean type.

Less than a month away from turning three, last Thanksgiving weekend, "Sweet Fireball" was killed in a car accident.  They were on their way home from a wonderful holiday with family.  The accident left those that know and love them heartbroken and crying out to God, and "Sweet Fireball's" mom and dad were left devastated and heartbroken and with empty, aching arms.

When I first heard about the accident, I felt my heart sink.  Surely, she could not be gone.  Not "Sweet Fireball!"  Maybe it was a mistake and someone misunderstood!  Maybe the details have been skewed.  It can't be true.

I reached out to  them immediately.  I didn't want to call (What would I say?!  Their baby died and I still had my two!!  In some ways I still feel guilty for having my two children when they don't have their one child), so I'd text (They could ignore it if they needed to) and email (They'd see it and know I cared and was praying).  I was in touch with B and then once K was a bit more lucid (she was very badly injured, the repercussions of which she will deal with for the rest of her life.)  But it was true.  She was gone.  

A daddy without his princess.  A mommy without her sidekick. 

I still struggle with this.  I know they do too.  After "Sweet Fireball" died, I couldn't sleep.  I'd lie awake in bed and cry.  My heart literally hurt for them.  I knew how much she meant to them, to her family and friends.  I'd think of B and K all the time.  I still do.  I pray for them every time I think of them and that accident.  Now I pray whenever I see crosses or wreaths or flowers by the roadside because I have been touched by such a loss.  As B once told me, "They have a whole different meaning to me now."

Where does God fit in to all of this?  Surely God would never allow such a thing to happen.  But it did happen.  Things like this happen every day.  And not because God made it happen.  He didn't necessarily want it to happen.  He didn't want Adam and Eve to disobey Him, did He?  But it happened.  He knew the accident would happen, that their sweet baby would leave this earth, since the beginning of time.  But remember, God never needed bad to do His good. Bad things happen in this world because of sin. That's just the way it is.  Because God gave us free will.  She didn't die because of anything B and K did or didn't do.  This couldn't have happened to nicer people.  They didn't deserve this.  Adam and Eve sinned and thus the Plan of Salvation was set in to motion. 

Then this verse comes to mind: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  - Romans 8:28 KJV

I know it is often easy to "talk the talk" but it is soooo very difficult to "walk the walk," especially when it comes to your life being turned upside down and inside out and being heartbroken.  But B and K and, from what I can tell, their extended families are talking the talk as well as walking the walk.  They are praising God in this storm during their lives.  I do not believe I could be that strong.  Wait, I know I wouldn't be.  Not without God.  Maybe they aren't either.  I am sure they would tell you that God is getting them through this time.  

Matthew 19:26 (KJV) says,"But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."

We cannot pretend to know why this all happened.  We may never know while on this earth.  Hopefully, once in Heaven, we will understand why it did happen. Or we will see the good that came from it.

I asked K if I could do a post about her and she said I could.  We talked for an hour today. I started this post and then called her and finished it later.  I didn't ask B but I don't think he'd mind my telling you all that when his daughter died he said, "I guess God thought we could handle this."  WOW.  See what I mean when I say that these are Godly people?

At first, K didn't know about their daughter.  She was in ICU.  When she did hear B tell her, she said she felt like she knew she was gone but she needed B to tell her.  And then she said something that floored me to B.  "You've been dealing with this all by yourself?!"  Again, WOW.

I aspire to be more like them, more Christlike.  More like God.

So please, if you pray, pray for B and K and their families and friends.  And check out her blog.  It may make you cry but it WILL make you appreciate the people in your life.  I think of them when I am having a hard day and I know they'd give anything to be able to have even their worst day with "Sweet Fireball" again.  

Pray for them tomorrow as it is the 11 month anniversary of their daughter's passing.  And Thanksgiving - the last holiday they shared with her that ended tragically.  To them, I am sure it feels like they just lost her.  Losing a loved one can bring a sense of dread for the holidays and I don't want that for them, so the more prayers for them, the better. "Sweet Fireball" is taken care of.  She is in Heaven playing and laughing and dancing and waiting to see her Mommy and Daddy again.  To her, it will feel like the blink of an eye.  :)

And K, Isaiah 40:31.  :o)

*P.S. I didn't want to cause any pain to anyone so I had B and K read this before I published it on my blog.

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