I was originally going to call this 10 reasons why I'm not a comedian, and then list 10 of what I thought were my funniest jokes, jokes that didn't do well on the stage but depression set in when I realized, I didn't even have 10 funny jokes;
1. My daughter, the Bill Collector;
When you're a kid, it takes forever for summer to get here..but when you're an adult, you blink and "Summers here? I still haven't paid off the heating bill!" My daughter is at the age now where she wants a job so she can make some money...This past summer I tried to help her out by paying her a dollar every time the phone rang. She'd tell them "Mom's not here"--that's worth a dollar don't you think? I also extended the same offer to my son, that way the phone gets answered and I know which bill collector wants their money and if MADD needs another donation...So far my son's only billed me two bucks, but this morning my daughter presented me with a bill for SIXTY BUCKS!!!
Oh yeah, she kept records of who called and when, and everything, so now I'm going to have to pay my son a dollar to tell her I'm not home when she tries to collect!
2. Road Rage;
Not that I suffer from road rage (riiiiiiggggghhhhttt) but my daughter once asked me "Mommy why are you always flipping people off?" I told her it's because Mommy doesn't have a gun...
Willpower is over-rated, if it was so damn important someone would have invented a drug for it...
4. Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction;"
I have a wardrobe malfunction every day too...Seriously, I do....It should really be called "my clothes are too tight and I need to lose weight," but I abbreviate it by calling it my "wardrobe malfunction."
My daughter posted this on her facebook page the other day...
Okay, a diet is called a diet so that you don't eat food that's bad for you...so taking other people's Taco Bell food is not a part of that DANG DIET! -__-
And everyone correctly guessed she was talking about ME!
Hey! If some genius had created a drug named willpower, I wouldn't be on a diet!
And why the heck is she posting about my stealing her Taco Bell food?! Here's how I look at it, if you stand next to a hungry giant bear in a bear cage eating a soft shell taco supreme, don't be too surprised if the bear reaches out and tries to grab your taco...and in our house, I'm not in a cage.
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