Five Reasons Why I'm Not a Comedian...

4 years ago

I was originally going to call this 10 reasons why I'm not a comedian, and then list 10 of what I thought were my funniest jokes, jokes that didn't do well on the stage but depression set in when I realized, I didn't even have 10 funny jokes;

1.  My daughter, the Bill Collector;

 When you're a kid, it takes forever for summer to get here..but when you're an adult, you blink and "Summers here?  I still haven't paid off the heating bill!"  My daughter is at the age now where she wants a job so she can make some money...This past summer I tried to help her out by paying her a dollar every time the phone rang.  She'd tell them "Mom's not here"--that's worth a dollar don't you think?  I also extended the same offer to my son, that way the phone gets answered and I know which bill collector wants their money and if MADD needs another donation...So far my son's only billed me two bucks, but this morning my daughter presented me with a bill for SIXTY BUCKS!!!

Oh yeah, she kept records of who called and when, and everything, so now I'm going to have to pay my son a dollar to tell her I'm not home when she tries to collect!

2.  Road Rage;

 Not that I suffer from road rage (riiiiiiggggghhhhttt) but my daughter once asked me "Mommy why are you always flipping people off?"  I told her it's because Mommy doesn't have a gun...

3.  Willpower;

Willpower is over-rated, if it was so damn important someone would have invented a drug for it...

4.  Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction;"

I have a wardrobe malfunction every day too...Seriously, I do....It should really be called "my clothes are too tight and I need to lose weight," but I abbreviate it by calling it my "wardrobe malfunction."


5.  Dieting...(And my daughter again)

My daughter posted this on her facebook page the other day...

Okay, a diet is called a diet so that you don't eat food that's bad for taking other people's Taco Bell food is not a part of that DANG DIET! -__-

And everyone correctly guessed she was talking about ME!

Hey! If some genius had created a drug named willpower, I wouldn't be on a diet!

And why the heck is she posting about my stealing her Taco Bell food?! Here's how I look at it, if you stand next to a hungry giant bear in a bear cage eating a soft shell taco supreme, don't be too surprised if the bear reaches out and tries to grab your taco...and in our house, I'm not in a cage.

And that's no joke.

Cindy Huber

This is an article written by one of the incredible members of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.

More from living

by Kimberly Peta Dewhirst
| 3 days ago
by Kimberly Peta Dewhirst
| 10 days ago
by Christina Marfice
| 13 days ago
by Laura Williams
| 13 days ago
by Christina Marfice
| 15 days ago
by Justina Huddleston
| 16 days ago
by Kimberly Peta Dewhirst
| 17 days ago