First Love

a month ago

My childhood memories have always centered around my years in Elementary School. Not sure why. I remember every inflection & every emotion my teachers expressed. And I remember every emotion that I felt as if it were yesterday. That's not a small thing, considering that since I've become a mom I oftentimes can't even remember if I put on a bra on any given day.

I remember my insecurities, my lack of confidence, the utter dismay I felt during those years. But, I cannot remember or understand why I had those emotions. None of the teachers were particularly mean or insensitive, and I have always loved & enjoyed learning.

These memories have always been there, in the back of my mind, as I tried to 'find myself' and discover who I am as a person. When I became pregnant with our first child, the first fear I had was thinking about them going to Elementary School. I actually had panic attacks thinking about reliving my experiences, and God forbid my child having the same experiences.

But, I was able to lock those worries in a vault in the recesses of my mind, knowing that I had a full 5 years before I would have to deal with them again.

So, here I sit, 10 days from the 1st day of 1st grade. My son is going to be a 1st grader. My anxiety is much less than I anticipated it would be, thanks to having 1 year under my belt already; Kindergarten was a total success for him. He loved it. Turns out, he was 100% perfectly fine with everything. He had a few bumps in the road, when this person or that person didn't want to be friends on Monday; then Tuesday all was well again. He would just go with the flow & not get upset about it.

My daughter will be in Preschool for 1 more year; and I hope that my son's success will repeat itself with my daughter. Part of me wonders if it's a boy/girl thing; girls just being more sensitive & in-tune with ppl's emotions. Let's hope not; I'm trying to raise my darling daughter to be a tough-as-nails version of Mother Theresa. With any luck, she'll be able to kick your ass while praying for your health, well being & happiness.

Ten days and counting. Here's to loving 1st grade!!!

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