The subject is overlooked. Experts are free with their advice about the latest IT fashion each season, but how does this translate to normal life? A life that doesn’t take place on fashionable strolls, along boulevards dotted with fashionably faded cafés where the fashionably pouty drink café noisette from oh so fashionable vintage cups.
I like to stay as fashionably savvy as the next mom. And by that I mean that my kids have stylin’ clothes whereas I still wear an ancient pair of (now) shapeless and faded yoga pants from Roots. Point is I like Le Look to stay with it and thanks to Pinterest I have a lovely imaginary wardrobe, even if my real one isn’t as full.
Fashion gurus never postscript their spreads and articles with how-tos for the M.W.C.; nor do clothes come with warning labels. This is risky, especially for modern moms who are prepping dinner while simultaneously answering client emails, baking a cake, and timing hockey dryland training exercises for their sons.
Safety tips for M.W.C. wearing IT fashion items:
1. L’écharpe/The scarf
Always in fashion and the one item that I’m not lacking. Not because I have a scarf hoarding problem, but because who can resist all the cute scarves? Which is not a problem. No matter the season, I’ve got an appropriate one. That’s a good thing, right?
However…cooking with scarves is a No. Not actually cooking the scarves, which is not recommended by nutritionists, but cooking while wearing a scarf. This is a fire hazard if you own a gas stove. I am an expert in the field.
a) Scarves are long.
b) They are not fire retardant.
c) The lightning reflexes of your spouse cannot always be counted on because sometimes they are in Boston while you’re home with the kids and the dog won’t eat and the cats keep dropping carcasses of partially ingested rodents on the front step and you have to be at 2 different after school activities and you can’t figure out how to do that so you forget and wear your scarf while cooking dinner.
d) It shouldn’t take 4 incidents for you to learn this lesson. Dummy
2. Les bracelets/Bangles & bracelets
Bracelets and lots of them are de riguer now ladies. And since shiny objects have the same effect on me as they do on birds, I’m acing this point too.
a) The biggest problem stems from a heated metal (silver, copper, gold) sitting flush against your arm –feeling hot hot hot.
b) The jangling sound they make while you’re whipping around the kitchen creating a masterpiece from whatever the hell you have on hand that’s not gone off is distracting to those in a studious mode. Sorry kids.
c) Also, your spouse is tired of the requests to help clean the pasta sauce splatter off that lovely jade bangle you brought back from Hong Kong.
Nobody should be wearing granny undies, and there’s no excuse today for fugly brassieres fashioned to resemble medieval torture devices. Regardless of endowment, we all have access to frilly unmentionables that lift and separate in all the right places. These, in combination with a well-cut top (hello ladylike cleavage), are a win-win look.
a) Cleavage is a pasta sauce splatter magnet – feeling hot hot hot.
b) Cleavage is a grated cheese magnet. Who knew cheese jumped?
c) Cleavage is a crumb magnet. Reaching into your brassiere to retrieve crumbs is not recommended when company is over.
d) Cleavage is a magnet. heh
e) See #4.
4. Le tablier/The apron
Aprons, while undervalued, are a necessary part of any safety conscious M.W.C.’s wardrobe. But don’t think hausfrau frumpy, there are lots of fun options. With the popularity of retro everything you’ll be a steaming siren in no time. See that? Steaming? Cooking? Never mind. I’m traumatized by the flaming scarf incident(s).
In the next edition we’ll cover:
- Leather boots – there’s a place and a time and it isn’t in the kitchen.
- Wearing your long hair loose – similar to point #1.
- White – doh. Or any colour that isn’t black.
* I’m sorry for using ‘fashion’ or one of its adjectives/verbs only 10 11 times. I’ll apply myself next time.
Post run fashion show
Kat @ jackstrawlane
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