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Stalking on facebook can lead to a wide range of discoveries and for me, tonight emotional breakthroughs. On a friends page there was this simple tweet
My curiosity was totally spiked, there were three of my favorite things in one sentence: prizes, iPad, and adoption. As I was checking out the site I started reading their, the Getty's, story. How God had work through both of their lives in such amazing ways, and the truly beautiful art work and talent they are using in such a glorifying way! It is beyond touching.
With my pity-party I've been throwing the past few days it just stopped me cold in my tracks. I can understand the God give want of being a mom so much, and the acceptance and peace that comes from knowing that you will adopt.
When I was 21 I found out I had cervical cancer. After a quick procedure and a few test I was told that first it would be "very difficult, if not at all" for me to conceive, and that I would have trouble carrying full term. I was devastated and felt like my life was over before I even had a chance to start. My only dream, wish, want in life was to have some sweet little person call me mommy, and that dream was dashed before I even had a chance to turn 22. I was sent in to a total tail spin, losing my self.
It ended up being a total blessing. I ran from all my problems to what I though would be a great drunken vacay, and ended up running right into God's arms. It was a big beautiful mess, but it was my big healing mess. Fast forward four years----
Chris and I got married August 1st 2008. Like most couples we talked about kids and how many we wanted, ect (2 boys, 2 girls, just like my family.) But, instead of talking about when we wanted to have kids, we talked about where we wanted to adopt from. I looked at countries and read articles of people who had adopted whole families of kids and knew that's what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to go to Romania and get my little ones there.
Knowing that I wasn't suppose to be able to get pregnant we really weren't, what's the word, um well protected?... So imagine my total shock and confusion when on Mother's day of 2009 I found out I was pregnant. I literally took 6 test in one day. Yes, I was pregnant.
I was floored.
How amazing is God? That he did this on Mother's day! Of all days, He used this one to give me the biggest gift! I was glowing that day at church. It was beautiful to feel so blessed when the pastor talked about how blessed mom's are. I was on a total "holy high".
Of course we told everyone! We actually had a huge dinner to celebrate with all of our friends,aka most of the college ministry! I had no idea three weeks later I would start to miscarry during one of our college services.
I was devastated.
I couldn't understand how God could do give me a baby in such a perfect way, then take that baby away. All I could think of was that He had finally figured out that I was going to be a horrible mother and He changed His mind. I did everything I could to shove those emotions down, deep deep down. I didn't want to think about. I would sit at work numb. I was a nanny at the time and most days it felt like salt being poured straight into my heart. I couldn't stand seeing pregnant women, especially those picking out boy things.
With all my heart I believed I was going to have a boy, and his name was going to be Wyatt. Everything in life just hurt.
Five weeks after my miscarriage, I realized I was late. Thinking that it was just my cycle being thrown off because of what had happen I didn't think much about it. Then at six weeks late, I began to feel 'strange'. It hit me, I was pregnant, again. I knew it. I was.
We had Holden on March 28th 2010.
I am so blessed. More blessed than I could ever deserver.
With those emotions, I realized one thing... I still have a burning desirer to adopt. Not only adopt but, help others feel that joy and wholeness that comes with becoming a mother. So please, go to The Getty's
page and read their story. It's beautiful. (and I'm pretty sure you'll be moved just like I was.) Go help a momma out!