You know the saying, "it's easier to forgive than forget?" Personally, I couldn't find that to be more true. Yet, if I'm honest with myself, I know you can't really forgive someone until you also decide to forget it. That's true forgiveness.
But it's sometimes easier said than done.
I'd say forgiving is an obvious weakness of mine. Or rather, the ability to forget past wrongs done to me. I hold it in, carry it around, and it doesn't hurt anyone but me. Perhaps they feel the distance I create because I haven't moved on from whatever they did which caused me pain. But the hoarding of resentment, hurt feelings, and other wrongs just weighs down the person carrying them.
I know all of this. And yet it still difficult to let go of certain things. Especially if it's regarding Austin.
Perhaps it's the added and increased emotions surrounding him but I find it hard, if not impossible, to forget hurts caused since his death. More than anything it is what someone didn't do, rather than what they did. Maybe they didn't reach out as I'd expected, or call when I really needed it, or respond in a way I wished. Maybe I was disappointed by what seems a lack of concern, especially when others (sometimes strangers) have gone out of their way to show support. In many cases their lack of response seemed like ignoring me and my pain. Whatever the wrong, it's effected the way I feel about that person. The hurt seems almost tangible and the relationship forever changed.
I know it shouldn't matter. I certainly have enough other concerns that I could focus my attention. And I know - and feel - what it does it me when I hold a grudge. When you store up pain, like sweeping problems under the rug, they never go away. Eventually that lumpy rug trips you.
God has really been tugging on me the past few weeks. Signs have been everywhere. First it was a gentle whisper. Now, it seems he's yelling to me. Yes, aside from not easily forgetting, I am also pretty stubborn. But, I know it's time for me to move on...forget - and truly forgive. Whoever and whatever has been done is the past.
Even though it isn't easy, I just remind myself that God never hesitates in forgiving me. He forgets all the wrongs I've done, just because he loves me. How amazing is that?
I know the joy that comes when forgiveness is given. So help me take a collective deep breath, pray for one another, and let's all forgive someone (and forget the wrong) today.
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
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