The Facebook Block

5 years ago

Once upon a time someone pissed me off or hurt my feelings which I think are the same emotion but being and saying you're pissed off is easier to admit and deal with than hurt feelings. Anyway, I deleted said person from my facebook. Take that! They countered with a facebook block. Ouch! Now I can't even spy on them. Shit.


So, now that relationship is over, not only in real life, but also in facebook life. And when someone blocks you on facebook, you know you've really pissed that person off. They don't even want to see your stupid face floating around facebook life. They don't want to see your silly 'likes' and asinine comments on common people you know together. You are dead to them. You don't exist and that's that. A facebook block is the final statement. There is no more to say. Unless. Unless.


Unless you are the author of a blog. And perhaps you write about people you know in your blog. And perhaps you don't name names but you know who that blog is about and that person probably knows who that blog is about too. Which is them. And now you are blocked. Poo.


If I was really thinking ahead I would have swooped in with the 'unfriend' and followed up the same day with 'The Block.' But, I wasn't thinking! Damn it. Rookie facebook blocking mistake. I didn't even get the last word in the relationship and that sucks. The last word or TLW, in its abbreviated form, rocks.


The last word.  I love getting it. I love having it. And, I know that makes me petty. But, I'm petty. Even if I have nothing to say to you. And, you're right. And, you've made a valid point. And, I'm clearly wrong. I will still spit at you and walk away while I roll my eyes. It's not exactly a last word but a last gesture and that still counts.




 In the old days, like 1992, you couldn't make grand gestures like unfriending and blocking people.


Back in the day we had to be really creative with how we were able to dis someone, cut them out of our lives, and otherwise 'block' them.


Before caller ID this was even harder to do. I can't even imagine how anyone answered the phone without knowing who it was first. What a bunch of craziness! Ring Ring Ring. It's a total fucking mystery who the caller on the other end of the line is. Maybe that's why we answer the phone as a question: Hello? Hello? Hello? Who the fuck is this? What do you want? WHO ARE YOU CALLING FOR?


The first few seconds of any phone calls before caller ID were a discovery period of who's who and what's what and what the shit is happening right now!


Even after we got caller ID Scott would still jump over furniture and get all MacGyver like to reach the phone before it stopped ringing. Even if the caller ID said, "Fuck You Assmunch" on it he would scale a wall to answer it, "Hello? Hello?"


And then he became greatly disappointed or pissed off, which I think are also the same emotion, and hang up. Exasperated.


My question of course being: If you see the caller ID. And, you don't know who it is. Why do you answer? Do you think maybe you will know that person? You like guessing games? You think perhaps you've won a prize? Or maybe that person is calling to wish you a good day?


 When I did have a home phone, and I did know who it was, I still didn't answer the phone.  By 2005 my phone talked to me and told me who was calling, I still didn't get up to answer the phone. My daugther would say, "Mom, the phone is ringing." And I would say, "I know. I hear it. Don't answer k?"


The phone is ringing? I can tell who it is...with my mind. And a rubber band



When I first moved to Arizona I got a new phone number. And, apparently that phone number previously belonged to a person named Domingo or some shit. So 15 times a goddamn day the friggin phone would ring and some Spanish person would ask, "Domingo? Domingo?  and then say a bunch of shit in Spanish that I didn't understand so I just started picking up the phone and saying, "DOMINGO NOT HERE. NO DOMINGO. NO. NO. NO DOMINGO. I finally recorded a message that said, "Hello, if you are calling for Domingo, he doesn't live here. No Aqui. I don't know where the fuck he lives so stop calling this number. Bueno, Adios. Sayonara. But, if you are calling for Kelly, please leave a message, thanks! BEEEEEEPPPP.


I got the last word on that one.


When I was kid instead of 'blocking' people you were just mean to them. But, now that's called bullying and it's close to being a serious crime. So don't do that. We would have slumber parties and try to entrap other girls into talking shit about people over the phone while that 'other person' was on 3- way calling or in the other room with the phone muted. We would be all like, "Hey, don't you hate Lisa? She is such an ugly, stupid whore huh?"


Unsuspecting girl on the other line, "Yeah, I hate the snotty -nosed fish faced bitch."


I didn't do that though. Okay, I did.


Since we can't bully people like we used to, our society has to take cruelty more passive aggressively and what better way to do that than through the glorious art of unfriending and blocking people. Booyah.


I'm just waiting for more people to come along that I hate so I can add them as a friend, unfriend them and then apply the final Fuck You Block.


Where the 'unfriend' says, "You're a douche and I don't want to be your social networking friend anymore!"

A block says, "Go Fuck Yourself."


Most of us have maybe 2 people we really, really hate. Like really. Seething, disgusting hatred. Like the sound of their name induces acid reflux, a twitching eye, and a rapid heartbeat. I have become one of those people. To someone else. I've been blocked.


Usually people we hate come in the form of ex something or other. Like ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-roommate, ex-wife, ex-wife's crazy new husband, ex-husband's crazy new wife, current husband's crazy ex-wife, current wife's crazy ex-husband sort of thing.


I don't think I've developed a strong enough blocking hatred for anyone except maybe my brother. And I didn't even block him. I just deleted him. I guess I don't hate him enough. Yet.


I've for sure been unfriended by people. And, I have unfriended people. It's really not that big of a deal. I kind of like cleaning up my friends list and then adding people back. It makes me feel like I have some control of my life and who is in it.


But to block? You better think long and hard before you go on blocking someone because you are sending out a powerful, silent social message. It's possible a relationship that's had a block situation occur can never really recover. You have stuck a fork in that relationship. It's the last straw. The end of the road. The final middle finger of you and that person. You've been a victim of The Block. And there's no take backs.


When you find out someone has blocked you, the first reaction is that of disbelief. You blocked me? Me? I can never trust you again. Even if we become friends again and you 'add' me back. That block will always be with me. You can't take a block back. And someday, someday, maybe when you're dying and sad and stupid and ugly and pathetic. I might add you back. And then block you back. Bitch.






I will never forget. That you suck.


I'm not angry;I'm passionate

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