The Elf isn't the Problem

3 years ago

I have a confession to make…I don’t hate the Elf on the Shelf (EOTS). Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t love the damn Elf either, but hate…well that’s kinda a strong word for a little dude that has brought smiles to my kids.

Want to know what I do hate though? I hate the constant barrage of EOTS shit all over Facebook and Pinterest. I hate that every year this freakish little thing gets into crazier and crazier antics while the little ones are asleep. I hate that somehow this childhood tradition (albeit only a few years old now) has morphed into a marketer’s dream come true. I hate that I can’t walk through Hallmark, Barnes and Noble, or really anywhere from October thru December without being greeted with EOTS cookbooks, pot holders, sheets, shirts, wardrobe changes, ornaments, and every other stupid fucking EOTS product that has become a mass marketers dream come true. And seriously EOTS birthday shit – Fuck.No.

The innocence and simplicity of the EOTS has been turned into a quest for adults to best each other. It is the Christmas version of Keeping Up With The Jones’s. Much to my chagrin the EOTS has become the Christmas Vacation of the holiday season. And that is my, and probably a lot of peoples, issue with the little red narc. The problem is not the Elf, the problem is the over zealous parents that have helped feed the corporate machine in their quest to outdo everyone else. So to you people I say – calm the fuck down and please let the Elf go back to the basics. The EOTS will still be magical with the 8 and under crowd regardless if he/she is shitting hershey kisses, bathing in a sink of mini marshmallows, or making snow angels in flour.

And although our Elf doesn’t get into various WTF situations every evening it still brings happiness to the one child that believes (and use to bring the same excitement to the older child when he believed). I have watched my kids talk to our Elf. My daughter has done rock/gymnastics/ballet performances for the Elf. She has written letters to our Elf and made her gifts. I have chuckled to myself  when they excitedly told me they caught the Elf  blinking. The Elf is just another tradition that has been folded into our holiday celebration. It is not the centerpiece of the month of December, it is just the comma in a month long preparation for Christmas.

I am sorry Elf haters, but I can not hate this strange little felt dude, I just can’t. But I do hate the people that have turned a sweet and innocent childhood Christmas idea into the Disney World of make believe. It’s not a contest people, can we try to just keep it a manageable tradition.


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