Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

7 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

You wonder where the kind loving person went? The sad news is they were never there.
They might look like a monster.
Like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. You might wonder "who is this person? Where did the romantic, sensitive, dashing lover go?"

The sad news is, they were never there.

When it comes to women and children, I am a huge advocate of educating and supporting those who need help getting through the many types of abuse women suffer every single day.

Recently, I was contacted by a friend I hadn't seen in years. She called wanting some sort of answers for what to do to help a daughter who is in a dangerous relationship but she keeps going back to him because he can turn on the charm. I have more than my share of experience on this subject matter.

I've talked with lots of women who have been hurt in one way or another by a person who, in hindsight, seems to have all the signs of being a Sociopath or at the very least, someone with mental health issues. Knowing what to look for and trying to understand why some people act the way they do will not take away the pain, but sometimes it helps us to avoid the same pitfalls in the future.

As for me personally, it has been good to look back over my life and know that when I felt hurt and confused by a crazy situation I found myself in, it was literally because the person I felt so hurt by really was mentally ill. And no matter what, I couldn't and still cant change that. I really like the blog "Sanctuary for the Abused" http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2009/02/romantic-sociopath.html It has alot of really great information. For example, did you know that:

Sociopaths make up roughly 7% percent of the USA population. These are people who seem to lack what might be called a ‘conscience’. They do not seem to have feelings of ‘guilt’ or ‘shame’ for harming others. They are ruthless in getting what they want. They are narcissistic to the point of being insensitive.

This is an Amazing article I would recommend to anyone who has been blindsided or hurt by someone who they trusted or loved. It is for anyone who didn't understand why that person in their life, could be so loving and then turn around and be cruel.

The answer is, it will never make sense to you because you are normal. First of all, You are NOT missing a conscience like they are AND you have the basic moral compass that this other person is missing. But, that's just my opinion so go check it our yourself.
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2009/02/romantic-sociopath.html

I still struggle with the guilt I feel for not recognising the signs long ago. I have thought at times, that somehow it was my fault. I spent my earlier years feeling to embarrassed to ask for help or even admit I needed help!

Now that I am a bit older and wiser, I know better. I know all those things I felt were very typical. I wish I knew back then what I know now but since I cant go back in time, I am determined to do whatever I can so others can avoid the same pitfalls.

It has helped me a lot to know exactly what kind of people I had been dealing with all my life. When I realized it is mental illness, it made it just a tiny bit easier to forgive and move on. A very, very little bit easier, but every bit helps!

Even if you have never personally dealt with someone like this, it is always good to be able to recognise the signs so when and if the moment comes, you can be that support to someone who needs it.

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