Don't Judge Me; I have a condition

3 years ago

by sybil sage

You shouldn't criticize me. I have a condition that’s common among people my age. It hasn’t yet been officially recognized by that organization, oh, what’s it called, don’t tell me…The World Health Organization. Forgetting is another symptom of this syndrome. Forgetting and repeating. We repeat because we forget. Most of us coping with this can work with only a basic remote control unit, have trouble opening attachments and joke about misplacing things. The condition will, I’m sure, ultimately be named after the doctor who studies it or come to be known as adultism. Never mind. I just Googled it. www.adultism is a porn site. So is www.adultism.net.

It can cause us to appear to have no restraint and seem to be hyper critical. Restaurants are particularly difficult for us. We routinely reject the first table we’re taken to, complain about the noise level, test how many substitutions we can ask for and have been known to demand a larger portion when given an amuse bouche or espresso.

What we particularly enjoy are conversations about health issues and recalling how things used to be better. Instead of exchanging phone numbers at parties, we give one another the names of doctors who accept Medicare. Most pleased by our numbers and longevity are newspaper publishers, lecturers, rheumatologists and those in the hearing aid business.

No amount of blueberries, fish oil, crossword puzzles or working out seems to have been helpful. Some of us tried Lumosity. Others were stoners; by that I mean we learned a language we will never use with Rosetta Stone. Early detection isn’t helpful; you can’t detect this before it has taken hold of you.

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