Dear Losing Myself
Dear Losing Myself,
I am ready to admit that you are my biggest fear. In the past, I have been easily manipulated and intimidated. I have lived in shame and subjugation. I have believed your lies about not being good enough, smart enough, and tough enough the way I am. Believing your lies has made me surrender my self worth. I need to be proud of who I am, and be willing to fight to stay true to myself. Every step I make with confidence takes more of your power away.
I am enough. Just the way I am.
I am strong and brave, and I always have been
I can be assertive and still be respectful
I can set boundaries to protect my heart
I am not other people, I am me
I love who I am
I have my own way of looking at things, and my own way of expressing myself. I have always been unique, and I cannot masquerade successfully as an ordinary person. I'm going to stand out, I'm going to have strong opinions, and I am going to make some waves.
I am spontaneous, disorganized, easily overwhelmed, and unpredictable. I cannot be counted on to be stable for any length of time. I am not ashamed of those things about me, and they are not flaws, they are variations of personality. They don't need fixing to become the opposite.
I can be angry and stressed sometimes and not be afraid of being judged as out of control. I can be quiet and introspective and not be afraid of being judged as withdrawn. I can feel strong emotions of rage and sadness and not have an explanation for their origin. I can ask for a sounding board, and I can ask for comfort, and it not be required that I make sense. I need what I need. And it doesn't make me weak.
I have my own particular neuroses and phobias that are not stupid and that can be respected and validated. I have my own baggage.. It doesn't make me damaged and unworthy of love to admit that I have some that comes with me. I don't have to just get over my life experiences to make things easier on people, and when I am accepted for who I am, where I am, I will have the courage to face those hard things, to heal, and to grow.
I am a highly emotional person, and that's a good thing. Being less emotional is not better, it's just not who I am.
I am easily hurt, I am hypersensitive, things that bother me don't bother a lot of other people.. but that's how I am made. If I were less sensitive, I would lose my sense of empathy and compassion. I have lost them when I have shut down, and I have learned that they are an essential part of what makes me who I am. I love those things about me, that I see more and deeper than most. I love them because they make me different, and because my friends value those things about me.
I require substantive connection and depth of conversation with others, and that doesn't make me too intense for everyone. I don't have to hold back that intensity all the time, it's not always going to be more than people can handle. I am driven to be authentic, and I don't want to spend a lot of time with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am.
I don't have to become someone different because I am afraid of who I am, my real self, being rejected. Because who I am is how I have been designed. The design is not wrong. The design is not a mistake. I will not make excuses for why I have been made the way I am. I will not be ashamed of the person I have become.
So, fear of losing myself... let this serve as an eviction notice. If I love who I am, and am secure in the belief that I am loved for who I am, I will not ever be lost again.
You'd better start packing.
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