I have taken a bit of a break from my blog. I have been thinking about the direction I want to take with it. I believe everything happens for a reason and I think everything I have gone through being a single mom happened for a reason. There is something I am supposed to do with my experiences with just being a single mom and my miserable experiences with the court system. I don't know what I am supposed to do with it, but I do know there was a purpose in everything me and my kids have been through.
I really enjoy talking about my family. I get worried about the safety issues of placing pictures and stories of my nieces and nephews, but they are just too dang cute not to post pictures! I don't think telling about our fun adventures would be the same without their pretty faces as a visual.
We have been through a lot this past year with my dad and are about to begin another process with him which will hopefully and prayerfully end this battle. If it doesn't cure him, there are other options but we are praying to beat it this time.
Life is hard and there are always obstacles along the way. I love writing on this blog because I usually just write about what I am feeling or what is going on at the time. I get inspired by issues, my family, and TV.
My dad has many phrases and sayings. It is always funny hearing my kids and nieces and nephews repeating those phrases. Sometimes he will say, "I have had an epiphany, if you will..." That saying is one of my favorite! Using his words, because of the things I have been through in the last few years, "I have had an epiphany, if you will." I turned 43 last month and I have had an awakening. I feel kind of stupid saying this has just became clear to me, but it has.
My family has had a rough few weeks. We had to place a family member (that was technically a cousin, but much more like a grandfather) into hospice at the beginning of these last few weeks. Although his mind hadn't been right in well over a year and a half, he was still with us. The roughest part of the last few weeks began in the last week of January. In the span of 14 days we went to the hospital with this family member knowing we were going to lose him at any time to putting him in hospice, my dad found out his Hodgkin's Lymphoma was back, to our "grandfather" passing away, having his funeral service, my parents flying to Houston to make sure my dad was aware of all options out there at MD Anderson to them returning home finding out that the best place for his treatment is here at home. When I look back at those 14 days, to be completely honest, I just get sick at my stomach. We are very thankful that my parents are able to be home for dad's treatment, that was the very bright light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.
My parents don't even go on vacation without us so thinking about them being away at the worst time of their lives was just awful to say the least. If that is what we needed to do, we would have, but thankfully the best place for dad is here. They are still trying to cure him and are very, very positive, but we just wanted to make sure what was out there and have peace in knowing we had a second opinion. Fortunately, there is a lot they can do for him and we definitely have a hard process ahead of us, but there may be a great outcome and if not there are other options.
Through these past few weeks, we have had some very deep conversations with each other and a lot of prayer. I don't believe in coincidences and we have had things happen that just confirms what we already knew, God is in control. This is where my epiphany comes in. Life is hard. It is also very busy. It is filled with to do lists and work and raising kids and just so much going on. There are times we remind ourselves of the big picture, but then our kid forgot they had a project due the next day or the many other things happen that put us right back into the daily activities and the big picture fades away. With losing our family member, the idea that this world is a stepping stone to get to Heaven became very real and clear to me.
I have recently put this in perspective. We have to work to provide for our families, but our main goal is to live like we are supposed to in this life to get to Heaven. I know A LOT of people are way ahead of me on this one, but it is a huge relief to know that most everything I can stress about here really does not matter. My dad's dad was also full of sayings and his best one was "A hundred years from now, no one will know the difference." He would always say that when we were fussing about something that really did not matter. It is very liberating to just let go of all the little things.
I am one of those people that believe in "the principle of things." If I don't feel something is right, I have to speak up loudly and say it isn't right. I also speak just as loudly when I make a mistake. It will drive me crazy when I do something that I realize might not have been right and I will work until I make it right. So, this letting go thing might be a little hard for me at times.
I am still not sure what I am supposed to do with my experiences, but I have an idea. I can't change anything. I can work every single hour trying to make our system right, but it won't work. Especially in my area. We are so behind there is no way to make a dent in the process. The only judge I have any respect for is the one who changed the kids' last name. Not because we got our way but because he listened to them and validated the fact that they had been mistreated. He gave them the respect of letting them take control of the situation.
That is all we wanted was for someone to listen, and he did. The others just don't really care but I can rest in the fact that one day they will be judged on how they have treated many, many kids. That judgment is the only one that really matters
anyway. The only, and most important, thing I can do is pray for and with these women (and men) who aren't treated fairly. Whether it be through volunteer work or something else, helping them on a spiritual level will make a difference and in the end it is what truly matters anyway.
Everything we do in this life is working towards the next and working for God. If I keep in my mind and heart to use every day that The Lord has given me for Him everything else will fall into place. Like I said before, there are many who have already had this epiphany, but that is ok. It isn't something you can tell someone, they really have to come to this idea on their own for it to make a difference.
My daughter's favorite saying is "Everything happens for a reason." I definitely believe it. We may have surprises in life, good or bad, but they aren't surprises to God. I can say I have honestly paid as much, if not more, attention to my many, many blessings as we are going through this rough time. I remind myself each day that "This is the day that the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it."
Have you had this epiphany? (You won't make me feel bad, I promise! I would love to hear about it and I am pretty certain it will be appreciated by others as well.)
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