June 2006 my life forever changed. I was going to college full time and working in stage performance for a very large theater company and very happily persuing my dreams until I made the choice to have a one night stand that would leave a lasting impact, I would findd out after a month of being pregnant!
Thats right, I had a one night stand and ended up starting a family. Now it depends on your personal views how you take light to the situation at hand that I had created. I was raised southern Baptist and was lead to believe that I had two choices, both of which my family would still resent me and I would lose them, however at the time I wasnt aware of this. I was told either to abort the child, because it was nothing but a fuck and would never be a grandchild, or to marry the man I randomly decided to have casual relations with and start a family with a complete stranger. I knew deep inside of me that abortion was absolutly not an option in my heart, not just because of the whole "bible belt" aspect that was beat into my head as a child growing up, but because I know that I absolutly could not live with myself if I were to take this life that God so graciously, for some reason of his complete own, had blessed me with to carry and bring into this world. From that point on, I was engaged, to a complete stranger, oh if I would have known then what I know now....
Any ways, he and I wed and were married for two misserable, abusive, hard years. He never physically abused me, but I was always told how I was a mistake, that I kept him from marrying his true love. How I would have never been worth his time if I hadnt have gotten pregnant, like I did it to myself, yeah I fucked myself and got pregnant, but non the less I became severly depressed and was made to believe I was only good for cooking, cleaning and fucking. (And I use profanity for the infasis on how it was always presented to me.) There were many times I would come home and find other womens cars at my house, always in denial that he ever did anything wrong. My son would be in his clothing and shoes from that day at daycare, laying in his crib covered in BM and vomit. My husband would be sound asleep upstairs, house filty and sewage backed up with bugs crawling every where. I would just cry as I woke my child to clean and feed him then rock him back to sleep, clean the house, and try to see the upside to this life I had created for myself. I finally got fed up and called in my parents to help assist me with the house because my husband wouldnt do anything to help, not quite aware that this would be one of two of the last times I would ever meet with my parents because of the mind games my husband and his family would use against me to help turn my parents further from me. My father found multiple black widow nests outside of the foundation of this old country barn we called a home. There was over an inch of dirt my mother cleaned from our ceilings, multiple mice and bugs swept and cleaned, and pounds of BM pumped from an over filled septic that my husband refused to clean, (I had tried to clean as much as I possibly could and there was still this much left). I however, being the strong willed person I thought I was, kept my head up and pushed forward to make sure we could be a magazine perfect little family that my parents told me we should be.
After a year of being together I had a small little estate come to me from my grandfathers death. My mother insisted I sign over all the money, since she was by passed in the will by my grandfather for personal reasons, and I refused since I had a family because I felt it was my duty to put them first over my own mother, once again... wrong! I ended up spending over $15,000.00 getting my husband out of debt and moving us closer to my husbands family far from where I knew a soul, and another $17,000.00 to help my brother and his fiance to put a down payment on a house, or so I thought! My brother acctually ended up purchasing a new truck with his money and never said another word to me, other than I must have given him that money to turn him against my parents, neither here nor there, I know my intentions were pure and thats all that matters!
Well we moved to this little town six hours from my family where I knew no one and had no clue what was to come! My husband and I started having problems. He was leaving a lot to go see his parents, or go to the lake and there were just issues. Well I began working and found an amazing man to befriend, and of course the friendship turned to much more in the long run, but at the time was an innocent friendship none the less. However my husband didn't see it that way. Now he cheated multiple times, but when he got word I had befriended this man he became very upset. We had talked about divorce and I told him something needed to change, with hopes that it really would for my sons sake, but I was so naive. Needless to say long story short, I was served with divorce papers, we separated for 2 months. My husband ran with my child for over 2 weeks moving him from house to house not ever letting me see him. I broke into my own house he had kicked me out of just to possibly get my son back or attempt to talk to him because he was using my son as a pawn to try to make us work. I finally gave in and moved back in with him because I was not going to lose my son and I was scared of what he would do to my baby. We tried it for a little over a month and finally I decided to leave. I got an apartment, moved my son and myself and we were going to start a new. One day I went to go get my son from daycare and my husband had put a restraining order on me and took my son from daycare without notifying me.
I was broken, lost, my parents turned on me completly because my mother said I should have stuck it out come hell or high water because that is what you do when you fuck up and get pregnant. The gentle man that I had befriended became much more of a friend through this time because he was there for me every time I turned around. If I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there, if I needed a flat tire changed he changed it, if I needed a carpet cleaned he was at my rescue, he had become a very large part of my life and I really liked it. Come to find out he was also going through a very hard time with his ex. Their 20 day old child had been taken to foster care because he was found with broken ribs and hemridging in the brain after being hospitalized for loss of breath and because he was the one who rushed the child to the hospital he was looked at as the accused. He eneded up going to trial and accepted a guilty plea because he was instructed by the judge that he would definatly be able to get his innocence but with that he would lose his rights and his ex would lose her rights to the child and he would be placed in foster care and separated from his siblings, and he felt as a good father he would take or do whatever he needed to to make sure he didnt lose his child. He took a guilty plea and recieved a felony for injury to a child. My husband learned of this situation and was using his situation against me to keep my child from me since I had started a relationship with this gentleman. We went to court and I was accompanied with my new gentlemans family only to sit behind me. My own family refused to show up to help me. When I was on the stand I told them I would move back home and away from here to get my son, I would stop any relationship they thought would endanger my son or do whatever it took, but that didnt matter. My ex-husband had emptied my bank account out, got both cars, both houses and primary custody of our then one year old son. I was crushed to say the least. I attempted carrying out visitations with my son, but only encountered multitudes of drama.
My relationship continued with my gentleman friend after being told by a lawyer there was absolutly nothing restricting my new love interest from children in any instance. He only had supervised visitations with his son from the case. My ex-husband decided to push though, he took the papers from our divorce and had his lawyer put that my son could not be around my now fiance. I have since learned that we can take it all back to court and get that one little clause removed and not have to worry about that drama reguarding the paperwork. However I still cant take myself to take visitations with my son. I havent seen my son in almost a year now. He is four years old and I miss him so dearly. The reason I have decided against taking my visitations is because of the emotional and mental anguish I have seen him suffer with through out any visitations we take. My child calls me by my first name, when I asked him if he knows who I am and why he called me by my first name his answer still is bone chilling to me. He replied, "I know your my mommy and I love you, but daddy said he hates you and said that (his new wife) is my mommy and I have to call you (by my first name). I was devistated. I tried to explain to him that he is a very lucky little boy to get to have two mommies, and he is loved very much. I refuse to ever bad mouth his father, even though I do have my own feelings and thoughts, those are not appropriate for a young child, and I refuse to sink to that level. The drawing point however, was when I wasnt notified of my child being transfered child care facilities and was moved out of town and I wasnt notified for over three months.
I searched, tried to call his father and was not able to find anyone. Finally I recieved a letter in the mail and went right to the new day care facility to see what this place was like. I introduced myself to the director and tried to explain to her a bit of our situation, but she really cared less to hear anything from me, my ex had already set her mind on what a horrible person I was. I was able to get copies of enrollment forms and facility forms reguarding my sons enrollment with the school. They never mentioned me, not even for emergency contact, and his new wife was signing as parent for my son. I have joint custody and all rights to my son, she is not a parent in any form legally to my child, how is it they let her sign these papers. They were gracious enough to put me as permission to pick up though; I was livid! I went and had lunch with my son and it was so hard since he hadnt seen me in a while, especially when I was leaving and he started crying and repeating that he didnt want me to go, it was the most difficult meeting ever. I calmed him as much as I could and told him I would be back the next day for lunch, he stopped crying, I did as I promised. When I arrived at the facility the next day, the director asked me to come to her office, and I did as I was askedvery effortlessly. She told me she was going to have to deny me the right to come and see my son during the day at the facility because she was told it was very emotionally draining on my son. I showed her my divorce papers where it showed I had all rights to come to school functions etc. with reguards to my child and explained to her how she didnt have the rights to deny me access to my child. I simply asked her to write me a letter stating her denial for me to see my son and she did!!!! I couldnt believe my eyes. She acctually wrote me a letter saying she wasnt going to allow me to see my son, state of Texas that is illegal and I was instructed by a lawyer that once I can get the money I can take it back and file contempt of court on my ex and sue the school for denying me access. Not ten minutes after I left the school I recieved a phone call from the director asking to speak to the Mrs. I told her that I was her and she proceeded to tell me that "She" came to the school today and she told "Her" that "She" wasnt allowed to come to school anymore. She informed me that she told "Her" that she spoke with the childs father not me (and this me she thought she was talking to was suppose to be my exhusbands wife, the lady dialed the wrong Mrs.) and she would send a new enrollment form home for them to fill out because she didnt want any legal actions taken on her. I WAS BESIDE MYSELF!!!
I could not believe all of this that had happened. I am still trying to save and get the money to go back to court and fix this whole mess. I refuse to pass my child back and forth right now though because of the drama and coaching they pound into my 4 year old babies head. I want to go back to court and get it all fixed so we can be legit and drama free for my son's sake. I refuse to pass him back and forth between a family that wont be civil, he doesnt deserve that. I will keep hoping and praying that someone out there can help me! People say ask and you shall receive right!? Well here it is, If you know someone or would know how to help my cause you can send information my way!! I know its a long shot, but I really know that there is a reason I was brought to this website and I am tired of feeling hurt and angry because of this whole situation. I am ready to fix it and am patiently waiting. I will wait a lifetime if it takes it to make sure my son wont be envolved in any extra nonsense drama from his father and his family!! Thanks for reading my blog!! Bless you all!!!
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