I was just innocently typing away on my computer yesterday when I made the mistake of looking down. Darn it! There it was. A big blob sitting right below my breasts.
Yes, folks. A muffin top. MY
I loathe it. But given the years that it's chosen to stay with me, I'd say that unfortunately, it seems to love me. To be honest, I'm not one of those women who just gained weight after pregnancy or due to aging and the metabolism slowing down. As far back as I can remember, I've always been, well,...on the chunky side. Though I've been various sizes my entire adult life, my weight has always just comfortably hovered around 1(?)0 pounds, somewhere between Kim Kardashian's 130lb pre-pregnancy weight and 200lbs. Any more details than that and I'm gonna have to kill you.
But no matter the sizes I've been, this old trusty muffin top has always been around. It has tortured me for decades, mocked every cute outfit I had worn or had hoped to wear, and put all the diets and exercise routines my body can perform, to shame! What makes it worse (I think) is that I'm pretty flat chested. So unlike those other 'chunky' women who are able to balance out their big tummies with their bigger boobies, hence still making them shapely and 'womanly', my blob of a muffin top is just there like Saint-Exupery's boa constrictor that swallowed an elephant.
In other words, I'm (almost) resigned to the idea that I will die looking like the damn Michelin Man.
And this is another reason why I hate summer. It's not just the heat, or the bugs, or the outdoorsy people judging my preference for the cooler and safer bug-bite-free indoors. It's the fact that I can never seem to figure out what to wear and still look cute and appropriate for the climate. Most things I see on the store racks are sleeveless shirts which I don't wear because, yes, you guessed it....I don't like my big arms too! Or tops with teenee tiny pseudo 'token' sleeves which hardly cover anything. And what's with all these cotton shirts that are meant to be cool and comfortable and yet shaped to cling to my unwanted wobbly bulges??? I would gladly wear shapewear underneath just to smoothen everything out, if it weren't 95 degrees outside! Grrrr......
Alright, rant over. Obviously I have a lot of body issues. Some days are worse than others, although I have to admit that summer always brings out the worst in me. Now I wonder how I kept my sanity and my joyful disposition when I was living in tropical and perpetually summer-like Philippines. To think that almost everybody there is smaller than my size, given their typical Asian body frames! And shopping there was doubly hard because the sizing just made me feel all the more miserable about my frame. *sigh*
I guess I should count my blessings and be grateful that in about two more months, my misery will be somehow mitigated by the cooler weather. Fall and Winter outfits will allow me to layer, and for at least 3 or 4 months, I could grant semi-invisibility to my muffin top with the help of jackets, scarves and of course, some shapewear. Hopefully, those months could also buy me some time to shrink this blob a bit more so that I won't be this miserable in summer 2015.
Hope springs eternal. So as my final message, I'd like to share with you this meme that my writer friend P. James
shared this morning via Facebook: