The Christmas Spirit

5 years ago

It's coming up to that time of year already and I've done it again.  Every year, I do it.  After vehemently vowing the previous year, to mend my ways. Yes.  I'm talking about Christmas preparations.

Everywhere, I'm reading people's smug confessions of presents wrapped, puddings boiled and turkeys plumped.  Epic tales of marathon power-walking in the shopping centres.

I stand before you, shifting uneasily from foot to foot, as I confess to having done....nothing.  Nada.  Not a present bought,  a mince tart baked or a decoration decked.  I know, shameful, right?

And it has ever been so.   This post was from last Christmas.

This is the season of a psychological condition I'm going to call Christmas Denial.  It's an affliction which affects mainly females and consists of a general resistance to any kind of early preparation for Christmas Day.  Sufferers of this condition watch with smug amusement as others begin preparations for Yuletide. In reaction, we feel an irresistible compulsion to complete any and every other task possible.

Christmas Cards Sent?
"I have planted seven kinds of roses in the garden, mulched and made a good dent in the nut-grass weeding...".

Christmas Dinner?"
"I am going to get that linen press sorted in the next week if it's the last thing I do. I also want to take that chandelier we bought years ago to see if they really can rewire it..."

Who's going to be here on the day?
"Er,  I really think we should shift the kids bedrooms around and maybe oil the decks".

And so it goes on.

Plans may be laid and lists organised, but the sufferer of this affliction does ANYTHING to avoid what is on that list.

Until Day 23 of December, when the scales drop from our eyes and we become gibbering wrecks as we realise we have less than 48 hours to prepare dinner for the 300 or so family members we have casually invited, a pile of presents to wrap ..oops, buy for said guests. Where did I put that turkey? Who moved all the table cloths in this linen press? Aarrrrrggghhhhh.

You may like to try therapy if you have this condition, but results in time for the 25th are doubtful.

Alternatively, you may like to try this recipe for Christmas pudding. It's really the only job that appeals to me. And I guarantee you too will feel true Christmas spirit afterwards.

Favourite Recipe for Christmas Pudding
I cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
2 litres of brandy
1. Sample the brandy to check for quality.

2. Take a large bowl.

3. Check the brandy again to be sure it is
of the highest quality.

4. Pour one level cup and drink.

5. Repeat.

6. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter
in a large, fluffy bowl.

7.Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the brandy is still OK.

8. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.

9. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck
in the cup of dried fruit.

10.Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,
pry it loose with a drewscriver.

11.Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something, Who cares.

12. Check the brandy

13. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

14. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

15. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

16. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

17. Throw the bowl out of the window.

18. Check the brandy again.

19. Go to bed.

There.. Now don't you feel better about Christmas already?

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