Chapter 6: The Windup Girl

5 years ago

4:30 in the morning and I’ve yet to fall asleep.  The digital clock next to my bed, with its glowing red numbers, mocks me as a I will my brain to shut down and, for the love of god, just let me fucking sleep!  I’ve tried everything, but the pills and the meditation tapes and the classical music… none of it’s working.  My brain just will not stop running.  And somewhere deep within me, is that little girl, terrified to see what comes when sleep takes over, so she frantically winds up my mind, pushing her little arms as fast as possible so that we never have a chance to see the monsters.

I’ve watched every episode of every show ever created for mass viewing consumption.  I’ve read every book ever written on every topic ever conceived.  And I’ve written, written, written, filling journals from here to the east coast, yet my mind does not stop moving.  My legs shake while the rest of my body is supremely exhausted.  Sometimes the movement is super charged and my legs pull me out of bed, into my sweat pants and out the front door, moving me through the streets, over speed bumps, along the river bed and past the bagel shop.  I don’t run, I’ve never been a runner, but my legs don’t know this and they just keep going.  The rest of my body is along for the ride, my surroundings a blur as my legs pump harder and harder to get away from my head.

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